Fiction Grand Prize Award: 'Choe Mijin, Where Have You Gone?'

Written by Lee Kiho and translated by Leo-Thomas Brylowski.

Below is an excerpt of the winning translation. ― ED

It all began around the middle of last month, while I was looking to buy myself an external hard drive. I accessed a classifieds website for second-hand merchandise, and that's when I stumbled upon someone who was selling a book of mine, a novel I'd published two years earlier. It had been put up for sale at a bargain price by an active member with the username “James Closetheshutters”.

Along with my book, he was selling more than 50 other novels, and about 20-odd copies of quarterly literary journals. The books were grouped into three price categories ― 7000, 5000, and 4000 won. The back issues of the journals were being offered for 2000 won each.

My book belonged to the 4000-won group.

So much for my quest to buy an external hard drive, I began to carefully inspect, one by one, the items this “James Closetheshutters” had listed up for sale. He'd uploaded photos of the books in each of the three groups to show the kind of shape they were in, under which was a brief description of the book.

For example, Park Sang-ryung's story collection Yeolmyung-gil in the first group had been accompanied with the words “Overwhelming! The beginning of a legend,” so as to justify the 7000 won price tag.

Apart from Korean authors Park Sang-ryung and Lee Mun-ku, group 1 consisted mainly of books by foreign authors such as Herman Melville, John Cheever, and Ted Chiang. Group 2 had the most diverse range of authors, including the likes of Mario Vargas Llosa, Inoue Yasushi, Ivan Turgenev, Eun Heekyung, and Lee Seung-u. As I'd expected, descriptions for books in this category were all along the same flattering lines. “All of the world's evil captured in a single book!” “A gift of strength in overcoming loss.”

And then there was group 3, the one I was after. The 4000-won group. I rolled my finger over the scroll wheel on my mouse and went straight to my book's description.

49. Lee Kiho / Batshit-crazy novel. The further you read, the more pathetic. To top it off, signed by the author! (4000 won ― Buy 5 books from Groups 1 and/or 2 and get it for free!)

Stooped forward, I peered motionlessly at the words on my screen. I then scrolled back up the page and examined the photo of my book. Even the cover looked spotless, as though the book was fresh off the shelf and never opened before. I scrolled back down the page and went over the rest of the list.

50. Park Hyoung-su / Same kind of batshit-crazy novel. While messed up, it carries quite a punch. First-rate metafiction. (4000 won)

I also slowly contemplated the list of authors that came before me. Of all the fifteen authors in Group 3, no one's novel other than mine had been given the “buy 5 books get it free” treatment. I was the only one.

I took my hand off the mouse and folded my arms for a moment. Ha-ha, I even deliberately produced a loud laugh. But it was short-lived.

I got off the classifieds website and made my way to the Naver homepage. I checked the score of the last Hanwha Eagles baseball game, carefully looking through each player's statistics, starting with their batting average, all the way down to their runs-batted-in. I went as far as to watch the over ten-minute long highlights video until the very end.

I then read through Cho Seok, Lee Mal-nyun, and Kwak Baeksoo's webtoons, even bringing myself to giggle a few times. I wasn't done yet. Next, I looked through the reader comments attached to each web comic, something I usually never did, and even went through pages and pages of them.

To my surprise, there seemed to be more kindhearted comments than malicious ones, from “Once again, you never fail to disappoint!” to “How am I going to wait until next week for the next comic?” I was somewhat amazed by this, but a part of me also felt miserable, as though I'd lost something.

I shut my internet browser and closed my eyes for a brief moment. I tried pressing on the middle of my forehead with my thumb and index fingers a few times, after which I opened my word processor and took a long breath.

Untitled document 1, Untitled document 2, Untitled document 3. These three blank files waited for me untouched from three days earlier. There was not even a single sentence written down.

After staring at the empty white page of my word processor for over ten minutes, I stuck a cigarette in my mouth. I flicked my lighter to my cigarette, but as luck would have it, the flint wheel at the top came off and fell straight to the ground. I sat at the desk and looked down at my left hand holding the lighter and the flint wheel.

I hadn't notice it until then, but my hand was completely tensed up. Blue veins were bulging out on the back of it and the tip of my fingers had turned white. To top it off, signed by the author, eh? And free with the purchase of five other books, eh? And Park Hyoung-su's only worth 4000 won, eh? I looked at the lighter with the missing flint wheel and bit my lower lip. I then knocked a heavy fist against the desk.

*

That night I went to bed earlier than usual. Together with me were my wife and youngest daughter. On the floor next to the bed, sleeping in a pose similar to a crucified Jesus, was my oldest son who turned ten this year. Next to him, my second son was also sound asleep, posing as an Olympic torchbearer.

I curled up as tightly as I could next to my daughter. It was the kind of hot and sticky night that always came right before the start of the summer monsoon. A faint sweaty smell emanated from my daughter's hair at a nose's distance from me.

“Honey… Are you asleep?” I asked my wife in a low voice after lying in bed for a while.

“Uh-huh… What's the matter?” she replied in a perfunctory, half-asleep voice.

“No... nothing. I was just wondering if you were sleeping…”

“What's wrong? Stuck with writer's block again? If you can't come up with any ideas, just go to sleep.”

After fixing our daughter's pillow, my wife turned herself around to face the wall. By my wife's bedside lied our alarm clock. She had to get up at 6 in the morning to prepare our daughter's lunch box for her kindergarten field trip the next day.

“Honey… Actually, I was given the cold shoulder over the internet today.”

“Sure… Take a cold shower and go to sleep.”

“No, not a cold shower. I said cold shoulder.”

My wife then ran a hand through her hair and raised herself up.

“What's the matter? Did you go to the bank today?”

She was worried about the three-year mortgage term on our apartment, which had expired the month before. Because of the higher interest rate we now had to pay, she asked me several times to go to the bank and inquire about ways to refinance our mortgage.

“No, no, it's not that. It's…”

With my gaze fixed onto the dark ceiling of our bedroom, I spoke to her about what I had witnessed online. About Park Hyoung-su's book being sold for just 4000 won, about my receiving the buy-five-get-one-free treatment…

“I just can't seem to chase it out of my mind. I mean, a lot of people go on that website, you know. The further you read, the more pathetic? Isn't that a bit harsh?”

Without saying a word, my wife directed her gaze down to my face, which was lying on the bed. She then turned her body around again to face the wall.

“Just get over it and sleep. I doubt there's anyone out there interested in getting either your or Park Hyoung-su's book anyways.”

“He seems to have read his fair share of novels. But then, how in the world could he speak like that about my book? To say it's bat-shit crazy… and to top it off, signed by the author…”

My wife didn't reply.

“I wonder… Couldn't he be someone I know? Making a point of insulting me? I'm not sure why, but I feel like that's what it is.” I mumbled, as though speaking to myself.

Doesn't this fall under slander or some kind of defamation law? To disregard other people's individuality, libel and slander them, and to do so publicly for the world to see… I heard you could get in trouble for that! I kept grumbling to myself, unconcerned whether my wife answered or not. After heaving out a few sighs, she turned around in a sudden flash and shouted back at me.

“How about you listen to me when I tell you to get off the internet and just write that novel of yours! Why do you think these things keep getting to your head? It's because you're not busy writing! What's a writer supposed to do if he doesn't write? Now that's insulting! Is anything more insulting than that?”

The sound of my wife's elevated voice woke our second son, who suddenly jumped from his slumber in the same position he had been asleep in, his right hand still raised above his head. I hurried to close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping. As I did so, I kept asking myself over and over again whether Park Hyoung-su couldn't have been the one behind all this. Sleep just wouldn't come.