VIDEO Life as a stay-at-home dad raising 4 kids in Korea
For some time now, money has replaced love in the hearts of young Koreans. Ahead of marriage, keywords like homeownership, "seudeme" (wedding studio photography, dress and makeup) and dual-income households have taken center stage. Under the prevailing perception that marriage and childbirth are nearly impossible without financial backing, Korean society has inevitably faced the natural consequence: a declining birth rate. Moon Hyun-jun's family, however, stands out as an exception. A father of four and a stay-at-home husband, Hyun-jun speaks of "possibility" in an era rampant with "impossibilities."
The birth of an uncommon family structure
"Honestly, I didn't think I'd be able to get married," Hyun-jun said, as admits that before marrying his wife, Cho Anna, he had never imagined becoming a husband, let alone a father of four. He had neither a house nor a stable job. Like many young people today, he had internalized the conditions of "impossibility." But with the birth of their first child and the start of their married life, the couple began to walk a slightly different path. To raise four children, one parent had to stay home, which meant a dual income was out of the question. At the time, Anna's job was the more stable of the two. And so a stay-at-home dad was born.
Although Anna was working, her monthly income was no more than $2,200. With a family that size, spending rules had to be set. They couldn't be the kind of parents who offered a fancy apartment with a Han River view or a flashy car, but they promised to act as worldly guides for their children instead.
The reactions from those around them were not entirely supportive. "What are you going to live off of?" "What if the kids want to enroll in private academies later?" These were the questions Hyun-jun actually heard, and at first, they intimidated him. Then he realized something: The anxiety he felt wasn't his own; it came from outside. He still wavers from time to time, but he has decided to tune out other people's worries and listen to his own inner voice. He has since developed a range of skills as an experienced house-husband. By making his rounds of several shops to find the lowest prices and buying in bulk, he manages to feed a family of six on what Anna brings home.
Parenting as a community
Hyun-jun wanted his children to see and feel as much of the world as possible from an early age. Doing that through conventional private education, however, was prohibitively expensive. So he found another approach: widening the circle of people around them so his children could learn by communicating with others. That is why he chose to move to Seongmisan Village.
The village functions almost like one large extended family. The local Buddhist temple serves as a playground for all the children, regardless of religion, and Hyun-jun stops by now and again to fix broken facilities. He and the children check in on elderly residents living alone and deliver food to them, and in return, the elders dote on the children. Through this continuous exchange of care and help, the community has grown into one enormous family.
Hyun-jun and his family have shown that a marriage's success doesn't rest on financial abundance alone. A couple can marry without having everything perfectly set up. People can have children and raise them happily without material wealth. What makes that possible may come down to the attitude individuals take toward life — and the supportive environment a community provides.