Value context and insight. lkm@koreatimes.co.kr
Why divorcees want to remarry
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By Lee Kyung-min
An office worker surnamed Park, 45, said he understands why men his age don’t want to eat out that often.
“It’s not that big of a deal to make myself something quickly after I come home from work, but sometimes I think it would be nice if I had someone to cook for me.”
He got married at the age of 38 but divorced a few years after that. He and his ex-wife used to argue a lot and neither of them wanted to make compromises.
“At the time, the thought of having someone so different from me around me all the time was suffocating. They say it takes time and marriage is a lot harder than you think, but I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I had to understand a lot more than I wanted to. It was best that we went our separate ways.”
One of the reasons why Park had troubles in his marriage was because his ex-wife didn’t want to cook.
“She said the time and energy was just not worth it. She had a job, and made a modest income. Eating out was what she was used to — just like I’m used to having home-cooked meals.”
The man acknowledged that he thought it was a given that its was the wife’s job to cook, since he made much more money than her.
“Women say it takes only about five minutes to eat, while it takes hours to prepare. I know I sound a bit old and gender-biased, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask, since I make more money than her. Having a meal that is good is very important to me, and I’m tired of going out to eat. Maybe I should meet someone who understands that.”
A woman in her 40s surnamed Kim said she feels like people treat her differently when she has a man with her. She had been married for nine years, and got divorced last year.
“Maybe it’s all in my head, but when I moved a couple of months ago, I felt like the movers didn’t take me as seriously when I asked them to do some things first. I felt like they were a bit dismissive of me and what I had to say. Things were different when I had my husband to do things like that for me."
That was not the only time she thought to herself: "Is it better to have a man in my life?"
Some of her divorced friends went through similar experiences, including when they had family emergencies or the death of their parents.
Mothers particularly don’t want daughters to be single when there's a death in the family, she said.
“Having a funeral arranged and everything that goes with it, it’s a lot to take — things that old women think are better to have men take care of. I don’t agree with it entirely, but I get why they feel that way.”
These two are among the many cases of divorcees considering getting married again.
A survey by Only You, a marriage information service provider, quizzed 518 men and women about the circumstances under which they would consider remarrying.
About 28.2 percent of men said, “when I want home-cooked meals,” while 32.4 percent of women said, “when I encounter big life events.”
Chief among the reasons for men were housekeeping responsibilities (23.5 percent), education of opposite-sex children (19.3 percent) and when one-person servings are not available in restaurants (14.7 percent).
For women, worries from parents about being alone topped the list (23.6 percent), followed by housekeeping responsibilities (18.5 percent) and education of opposite-sex children (12.4 percent).
Factors deterring them from going through the marriage experience all over again included unrealistic views of and standards on marriage as well as spousal narcissism.