How should men and women split the bill?
Artist of the "Prude (Naesoong) Series" / Courtesy of Kim Hyun-jung
By Joel Lee
“With my quick glance, a guy that buys me the gift I wanted silently / When I feel like getting away from it all, a guy that drives me to the sea in his car / Though not the son of a billionaire, a guy 180 centimeters tall with a 60k salary.”
These simple, but cringe-worthy lyrics are from the song “That Kind of Guy” by up-and-coming singer Bro. The song is a sensation in Korea, topping the online music chart four days after being released March 21. Its music video has reached over two million views on YouTube.
The song, which combines a snarky lyric with a sugary tune, satirizes women who get into romantic relationships with men in exchange for money and gifts.
“Are you on drugs? / Is he crazy to date a girl like you? / If you want a prince, go to Saudi Arabia / Polygamous strings attached,” the song continues.
Judging from comments on social media and online message boards, many women find the song offensive. Some men, however, say they can relate to the lyrics.
Aurora Cheon, a 35-year-old woman working at the National Tax Service, agrees that there is more societal pressure on men to be the main financial provider of the relationship.
“It takes a lot of effort to win a Korean woman’s heart. Girls play hard to get and do not want to be seen as easy,” she said.
According to Cheon, Korean women continuously test men’s devotion to raise their worth early in the courtship. Men are expected to invest a certain amount of time and money in a woman, she said.
Cheon cites one of her friend, who she describes as a “femme fatale’’ with a permanently updating list of admirers. This erotically bewitching woman has mastered the skill of juggling multiple ambivalent relationships.
“Once while at work, she texted a guy that she was hungry. The guy bought sushi for her and all her colleagues. Men are trying desperately to impress her by impressing her whole bunch of friends,’’ Cheon said.
There are also “good mother, wise wife” type of women like her whose ambition is to marry their “Mr. Right.” These women are also sought after by wealthy professional men, Cheon said.
“Money can’t buy me love. I don’t mind starting humbly from living in monthly rental housing because that’s what I can afford. There are many women like me,” she stressed.
While there can be no clear agreement on how men and women should split the bill, Cheon says she casually expects the man to shoulder at least a 60 percent cut.
Of course, no woman appreciates someone calling her a gold digger.
In response to Bro’s song, girl group Veloce released “That Kind of Girl.”
“After delicious meals together, a girl that pays the bill sometimes / After forgetting an anniversary, a girl that understands with a bright smile / Without plastic surgery, a girl with voluminous air bags for you,” the song says.
It continues: “Even if you drive a nice car, wrap your body with luxury brand clothing / One single truth you can’t hide. You don’t have a house!”
Predictably, many men have reacted negatively to the song.
“Why should a guy have a car and a house to date or marry a girl? Men are not money-making machines,” said Shawn Kim, a 33-year-old Korean-Canadian working in Seoul.
Kim recently broke up with his Korean girlfriend because, according to him, she began demanding a car and a home for their upcoming marriage.
Kim’s mother, who lives in Toronto, spoke to The Korea Times over the phone. “At first, my husband and I really liked her because she has a stable government job. We really pushed for their marriage. We were going to pay the $90,000 for their $150,000 home, and she would pay the remaining $60,000. But she rejected our offer and wanted us to pay for everything.”
Matter of marriage
In Korean marriage, it is customary for the groom to buy the house and the bride to buy the furnishings.
According to a 1995 survey of 1,000 married individuals by the Savings Promotion Central Committee, men paid an average of $44,000 dollars or 55 percent for the cost of marriage and women paid $36,000 or 45 percent.
The overall cost of marriage has not only risen greatly in the past two decades. Over time, men also began paying more of the cost than women owing to the rising real estate prices.
In a 2013 survey of 1,000 married individuals by matchmaking company Duo, men paid $160,000 or 65 percent of the cost and women paid 35 percent.
Jun Sang-in, a professor of sociology at Seoul National University, said marriage has an aspect of manipulation. “Some women use their gender as a weakness to shirk financial responsibilities, and men exercise their power by flaunting their contributions.”
“People need a lot of money in order to live in today’s society, and some depend on others to cover it,” Jun added.
The burden falls largely on the parents, many of whom are baby boomers who struggle to support both their aging parents and their young adult children with their small retirement savings.