Social language
In my English as a second language classes, I always give a list of the most popular words in American English and example short constructions using them. Topping that list is the definite article: “the."
Recently, I have thought about presenting a list of the most common or popular short phrases in American English. Immediately coming to mind was the phrase, “I love you.” Surely it would be right up there with others! However, research proved me wrong — nevertheless, it was the most common emotional or romantic phrase.
The most common short phrases in English are “Thank you” and its variations “Thanks” and “Thank you very much;” “You’re welcome;” “Excuse me;” “How are you?;” and “Have a nice day.” These are phrases we use continuously in our interactions with other people. They of course express civil pleasantness, the act of being agreeable, polite, courteous and friendly.
I am of the opinion that the aforementioned phrases are the ones people should learn most immediately in whatever new language they study. I’m now learning the phrases in Farsi from our chemistry department's Iranian postdoctoral researcher. All languages have similar common phrases to these or at least something roughly equivalent — usually accompanied with a smile. It is a best practice among businesses.
The popular expression, “I love you,” denoting a subjective feeling of strong affection, requires a bit of clarification on usage. C.S. Lewis presented a framework for categorizations of love in his 1960 book "The Four Loves."
Of course, most people understand the fervent, impassioned and romantic version of love, which Plato described as "eros." On the other hand, saying "I love you" to parents or siblings is a natural and protective affection existing between family members. It is necessary to be careful when saying "I love you" to someone who isn't your relative when your meaning is brotherly or sisterly love of friendship. I experienced a misunderstanding with a Korean friend over "philia" or loving friendship, which I rather tactlessly and inadequately explained away, saying, "Americans toss the word 'love' around much too freely." It was much easier to say that than go through a discourse analysis including "agape" or love for humanity.
Getting back to the apologetic expression "excuse me," Americans have it deeply ingrained in our social practice to say it if we bump into or brush against someone. If we say nothing, we are likely to be chastised. My first experience of rush hour at a Seoul subway station, I was constantly turning left and right saying, "Excuse me, Excuse me." Then, I realized why Koreans did not: The encounters and momentary contact with the crowd could not be avoided. Saying "excuse me" all the time would not only sound ridiculous and look foolish, but could invite hoarseness. Common sense prevailed, and I recalled the proverb, "There's a time and place for everything."
The author (wrjones@vsu.edu) published the novella “Beyond Harvard” and teaches English as a second language.