Learning from failure
Life never plays out as I want it to. Unexpected things happen. When such unanticipated things happen to me, I cannot deny that I feel sad and sorry. I cannot control the result, however hard I tried and made much effort. That is why I feel humble and not-conceited, trembling with awe and fear.
Some months ago, I applied for the financial support of the National Research Foundation for two research projects. But both of them were rejected. Reading the evaluation comments, I learned that there were more positive comments about my research plans than negative ones. Of course, there were comments about how I should modify and improve the project plans. But, they said that they had limited financial resources and many researchers to support. This didn't sound cliché to me.
Anyway, at the end of the day, the result is decided. The next step is how I will accept it. Needless to say, I put great effort into writing those research project plans, figuring out key issues and reading many articles and books related with my research themes. Thus, at first, I was surprised by the result of failure. I was disappointed and frustrated, thinking and asking myself, "Why was I unable to make it? Was that the best I could do? Why couldn’t I do better?" Unintentionally and automatically I was blaming myself. I was at a loss. Moreover, I am still not sure whether I can do better in the future. Many thoughts and feelings were running through my mind.
Amid all this, all of a sudden, I was reminded: The more you fail, the nearer you are to success. The very lesson that I learned a few months ago from Thomas Edison, the inventor. It is true. Life has many ups and downs, trials and tribulations. My life is not an exception. Let me accept it. Why do I want my life to be rosy all the time?
No one knows for sure from the beginning if a project will be successful or not. Believing in myself and remaining confident in my ability and personality, I just proceed with the project. I say to myself, "Let me try, let me do it."
In addition, thinking differently, I am thankful for the result of failure. As I received positive comments and negative ones as well, I can revise and strengthen the weak points.
One way or the other, everyone has failures and successes at different times in life. What matters the most is one's attitude toward it. Failure this time doesn’t mean failure next time. Likewise, success this time neither means nor guarantees success next time. What is important is to accept the outcome, enjoy the process and keep on doing your thing. There is no need to fluctuate between hopes and fears.
It is like planting trees. When I plant a small, young tree, I am not sure whether this will grow well and flourish. Though I do not know for certain, I keep on planting young trees, as I know that some will grow and give their green, beautiful shade to people and make the world a better place. With this new and merry analogy of planting trees, I will work on my research projects again.
Lee Nan-hee studied English in college and theology at Hanshin University.