Preparing for old age
By Lee Eung-tae
My wife and I are studying for a Nursing Care Certificate. This involves four weeks of class lectures and two weeks of field placement. At our age, it is a little demanding to sit in a chair from 9 to 5 every day for a month, but we are preparing ourselves for old age, gaining awareness of chronic old age problems such as dementia, strokes, diabetes and how to handle them.
While studying I thought how useless I was to my poor mum as she declined and then passed away alone in a hospital. If I had known about old age, I could have understood her disability and reacted differently. Instead, I was totally ignorant of her mental and physical degeneration.
Thinking about mum, I felt so guilty that I had urged her to enter a nursing home. Now I know that most seniors feel indescribable depression after being admitted to a hospice as they think they are going there just to die. I didn't understand how desolate she would be when she had to leave her house full of familiar things invoking lifelong memories of her husband, children, friends and neighbors.
At that time, I assured myself that I was doing well by her, visiting once a week and treating her to a nice lunch. But what she needed was not just my presence, but the warmth of affectionate togetherness that she felt as she raised us. I pretended to be busy most of the time when I was with her and consciously tried to distance myself because I felt I would have to let her go sooner or later. Now it's hammered into me that the most detrimental experience of old people is loneliness. They remember the good old days when all the family lived together through happy and sad times.
While in the hospital, she sometimes asked me to take her to her house but I dismissed her pleas. Now I feel so wretched that I did that. What did she feel lying solitary and immobile just waiting for the day of her death? Pretending it was for her safety, I had coldly left her in the care of strangers. Now I realize that what she really wanted was the company of her beloved children, not a bed smelling of strong disinfectant. We were shocked to see how her health had strikingly deteriorated during the pandemic. She must have been daily losing her desire to live as she felt she could never again see her loved ones. I cannot express the deep remorse that gnaws at me, thinking that my ignorance caused my mother such an unhappy, lonely death.
According to reports, South Korea is expected to be a super-aged society in 2026 as senior citizens over 65 will account for more than 20 percent of the entire population. In that society, I think it will be crucial for both young and old to understand exactly what old age means.
We are all so keen now about health. We control our weight, eschew tobacco, cut down on drinking and eat properly, always disregarding the absolute truth that we are like flowers that are now in full bloom but will soon wither. We are nothing but TAPs, some say, or Temporary Abled Persons. Someday, physical or mental disability might devour us wholly. Preparing for that day is as important as running on a treadmill or following a healthy regimen. Someday I will take the path my mum took. I want to walk it with a smile on my face, bidding my loved ones a final farewell.
Lee Eung-tae (eungtae@gmail.com) is a former high school teacher who taught English for 35 years.