A pathway to happiness
By Lee Eung-tae
Many critical decisions I made in my past were flawed by a lack of foresight: either by deluded, sweet seduction or thoughtless impulse. The ripple effects of unwise actions were often catastrophic. I spent much time in regret and self-blame for my unintelligent decisions.
But as I matured, I discovered I am hardly unique and have realized all mortals, born imperfect as we are, are doomed to make errors. Fortunately, we are endowed with the capacity to rise from the direst situations. Some mistakes were blessings in disguise. Hardships and failures became the stepping stones to hands-on insight and wisdom to combat difficulties I faced down the road.
Recently we were all shocked by a family suicide, when a father, mother and ten-year-old girl lost their lives, drowning in cold, dark waters. The parents' computer business had gone bankrupt the year before and they had cut off all social relations. It was distressing to imagine the suffering which drove them to this family suicide.
Nevertheless, however wretched their circumstances were at that time, I am moved to anger at their fatal action. However harsh our situations, we must keep control of our family boat in turbulent waters. We can change our minds and see another side of the world.
I am convinced that God has given us all strength proportional to our trials. Even though our dreams may shatter and we may become overwhelmed with shame, I think we must concentrate on our blessings, such as a loving wife, son, daughter and friends.
Looking back, I see that just like others of my age, I have arrived here after undergoing many ups and downs in life. At times, I have stumbled in the face of intolerable hardships. Sometimes, I have tried to avoid people whom I thought were sneering at me.
Such obsessions were sometimes so great that they reduced me to a state of having a panic disorder. In my misery, I thought I could feel empathy for those making suicidal decisions. But later, I realized that such trials and pains were not always miserable for me. Rather, they turned out to be blessings in disguise.
As I socialized with fewer people, I gained more self-knowledge and focused more on the useful analysis of my psyche. As a result, I developed the hobby of keeping a diary in English. In this journal, I expressed my opinions on social issues and also on my various emotional states.
This writing freed my mind. I could feel good about myself through writing and dismiss my past difficulties and negative emotions as nothing irremediably serious. I could appreciate the value of living in the present with my loved ones in the course of writing on a daily basis.
Of course, I was not alone even during the most awful times. I had my lovely family, good friends who were always rooting for me and a kind Canadian writing mentor who still helps me out with my writing today. Without them, I wouldn't be here at this moment.
Everyone encounters hardships during their life journey. The way to overcome them may well differ from person to person. But, however different our coping strategies may be, I think everyone has been endowed with the capacity to overcome hardships in some way. At this point, I would like to quote the phrase of American musician Wayne Coyne:
“Try to be happy within the context of the life we're actually living. Happiness is not a situation to be longed for or a convergence of lucky happenstance. Through the power of our own minds, we can help ourselves.”
Lee Eung-tae (eungtae@gmail.com) is a former high school teacher who taught English for 35 years.