A journey in search of freedom, myself and the unknown
By Kim Sun-ae
Last Christmas, I saw the movie “Becoming Who I Was” a story about a boy in Ladakh, India, and an old monk who lovingly took care of him for a long time, as they began a long journey to Tibet together. The last scene features the old monk, who parted from the boy, standing alone on top of a high snow-covered mountain. The scene prompted me to set out on my own life-changing journey.
Have I settled for the status quo? Will I take the easy path this year too, or will I write pieces that are different from last year’s? Will I write living works? Will I be happy? Even as they live their nondescript daily lives, some people look at life with new eyes. I haven’t quite become such a person yet, so I decided to start on this journey.
Beyond the voice of fear that binds me to the past, I hope to wander, recovering my wild nature that I have suppressed. How long have my soul and body been widely separated, because what I want to do is different from what I’m doing? And if my body and soul are indeed separated, how is this situation different from being dead?
I witnessed the rites at my grandmother’s funeral. The body that lay in the coffin was no longer my grandmother’s, as her soul had already left. The body, where her soul dwelt for 93 years until recently, became the shell of her past. Eventually, all of us will leave the earth, one by one, taking off our body-clothes. Nobody is an exception.
If I continue to lead a familiar and comfortable daily life this new year, will I be satisfied? I may look peaceful on the outside, even though I feel deeply discontented inside. How many times have I ignored the voice from my heart? In the movie “Two Is a Family,” the male protagonist learns, through the time he spends with his daughter, that “wasting life is more fearful than death.”
My life has been a journey to freedom. Soon after getting my first job, I realized that sitting in front of a computer in the office all day is an unnatural life for humans. So, I gradually set out to search for freedom. I have become a freelance writer who works at home and who spends his time more freely. However, a total life transformation is yet to come.
This year, I decided to open myself to the mystery of life, to an uncertain but inspiring and exciting future. If most things in one’s life are predictable, such a life would be boring.
How would you feel if you continue doing what you’re doing for the next 10 years? Will your life be enough for you, or will you regret the road you have not taken? If you are already doing what you love to do, you are lucky.
This year, I choose to really live my life. I don’t yet know what can flow through me, but I am committed to discover myself continuously. May I be able to grow and meet good friends in each new adventure.
Kim Sun-ae wrote a book of essays, “A Journey to Myself.” Some of her written works can also be found on her blog at blog.naver.com/dancinglf.