Infidelity: Dirtiest word in my dictionary
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By Jake J. Nho
This is true. “Infidelity” is the dirtiest word in my dictionary. If I had a choice, I would take the word and anything that means anything close to it and flush them down the toilet.
As with many other people, I took the ultimate vow, and made the intractable commitment on April 13, 1991 and never looked back. In fact, my wife and I observed our 23rd anniversary last Sunday.
Am I the happiest person in the world because of my marriage? Probably not. But then again, I challenge you to step up to my rather handsome face and tell me that you are.
It has been more than a quarter of a century since I first set my eyes on my better-half on a city bus in Seoul and the rest, as they say, is history.
We quarrel all the time, before and since the marriage and, if I remember correctly, the priest who brought us together forever in matrimony did not say in so many words that it will be the best thing to happen to the both of us. And I don’t blame him.
At no time did I deceive myself into thinking that my wife would be the light of my life ― although I would be lying if she was not at some very critical moments ― but I made the commitment for more than one reason, and I am willing to stick it out come rain or shine.
While the priest at the St. Franciscan Church certainly did not represent oratorical perfection, I do remember him mentioning something about “to love and cherish, TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.” This I remember very clearly.
For I knew the moment I decided that we were made for each other ― yes, I believe in fate and in destiny ― it would be forever and nothing on Earth was going to change that.
For marriage, at least in my perception and that of people in the right state of mind, is not like online shopping in which many, many people are prepared to file a return the minute they realize that what they ordered not exactly what they wanted without giving it a second thought.
No. When my wife and I invited those closest to us to come and witness our wedding, it was not because we needed a blessing to go on a swanky honeymoon
Ours was pretty good, by the way, and we did have our honeymoon baby who comes in the form of Seung-hyun who is in college and recently turned 22. It has been a long time coming and she has turned out to be quite a young woman.
Along the way, my wife repeatedly sent me out to work, reminding me to not come home without the divorce papers (I am not quite sure what they look like).
At times, I could tell she was dead serious. But when I rang the doorbell in the evening, she would become ever so forgetful and pretend like nothing ever happened. And I am thankful for those flights of memory.
Yes. I do not pretend that we have a perfect marriage, but then again I am not convinced that I do not have one because, to tell you the truth, I don’t think I have seen one. Not one that is properly certified, anyway.
The important thing is that we made the commitment without having anyone pushing us into it. Not my dry cleaners, not my next-door neighbors and certainly not our priest.
People do the funniest things, like citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for wanting to get out of marriages. I truly believe that most of these people don’t even know what that means.
Let me put it this way: You must have been a complete idiot without any notion of how the world works if you thought taking a vow was going to make everything picture-perfect.
I am not the most righteous man in the world, but I have not made a promise that I was absolutely sure that I could keep since I was about 10 years old.
There are people who will look me in the eye and insist “Yes, you have lied before,” but I beg to differ. It may have seemed like I promised but, in fact, when you think closely enough, I simply mumbled something that resembled me making a commitment when in fact I was not.
I like to think that I am a man who takes his promises seriously and I have proof ― in the form of our children ― that I knew what I was getting into the moment I said, “I Do.”
And it is along this line that I consider infidelity the filthiest concept that humans have created. To think nothing of taking a fling ― as many, many people obviously do ― is a sin beyond all sins.
So I say this: You blurted out those words. Suck it up and live with it. At the end of the day, or your life, you might realize that the man himself (that would be God or whoever you believe in) didn’t deal you such a terrible hand, not if you know how to play the cards at all.
Jake J. Nho can be reached at jakenho@koreatimes.co.kr.