Tips for new immigrants
By Dan Pak
Allow me to offer you a few words of advice as you contemplate embarking on an immigrant's life in America. I hope my advice may be helpful to you when you begin to navigate some unfamiliar waters.
First of all, we Asian people are often described as stiff and formal. In contrast, Americans in general are relaxed and easygoing. The newcomer from our part of the world would be better off if he starts practicing this basic skill for smooth sailing ― smiling.
America is the country of smiling faces. People smile at each other even when they have never met before. I know how hard it is to pick up the unfamiliar custom. Our culture discourages us from readily showing emotion in our daily life, especially in the formal setting. For example, in the past the bride was prohibited from smiling at her wedding. It would be imprudent of her if she smiled during such a solemn occasion as a wedding ceremony. Things may have changed since my departure from Korea several decades ago. But that's the way it was, as I recall, in my time.
But a word of caution is in order while we are on the subject of smiling. Never try to hide your embarrassment behind a smile. I know we all did it in the Old World. We smiled or even laughed when confronted with an embarrassing situation. People here would be mystified to see you smile or laugh when the circumstance clearly suggests that you must be embarrassed. Just show your embarrassment and leave the matter at that.
The next thing you might want to remember is that it is perfectly all right to strike up a conversation with strangers. Of all the people in the world, Americans are probably the easiest people to talk to. Never mind your limited language skills. In fact, pantomime spiced with broken and accented English may even win you more sympathetic gestures than using proper and correct English.
There is another interesting matter that might help you understand this country better. It is about color coordination. No other people on the earth are more adept in the art of color matching than the Americans. This uniquely American characteristic most prominently manifests itself when women shop for a dress to wear. I didn't know there were so many variations under a certain primary color before I came here.
For example, blue is usually subdivided into navy blue and royal blue. Pink is different from hot pink. The colors lavender and taupe were new concepts to me. If you don't want to stand out like a sore thumb, you had better learn to properly match your colors before walking down the street. Otherwise, you will quickly become the talk of town.
While average Americans are geniuses when it comes to matching colors, they are not very knowledgeable in the subject of geography. More than once, I was confounded by my friends when they seemed to believe that all Asian countries were located somewhere between China and Japan! Once at our office, a man looking at the map exclaimed, ``Hey! They moved Singapore way down south of China. It used to be in the north!" I heard that he once worked, of all the places, at the International Sales Department of the business!
Speaking of limited knowledge about a foreign country, one day I was presented with a Spanish-English dictionary at my office. A well-meaning office secretary told me that she found it at the attic of her home the previous day. She was kind enough to bring it to me following day to help me improve my English skills. She thought all foreigners were living south of the United States and they all spoke Spanish. I was a foreigner, therefore, I must speak Spanish. It was a perfectly logical conclusion for her. I was sorry to disappoint her.
There was an article in a magazine some years ago: ``The classic expatriate often lives in a circle of loneliness, wishing he were home. Disenchanted with the home he has left, he cuts himself off from the home he has chosen, and so lives life in a kind of limbo where he cannot find peace in either place." But adds, ``Others, accepting and being accepted by the cultures around them, take their new lives as schoolrooms and opportunities."
There is an encouraging sign among a growing number of immigrants who are comfortable with the cultures around them. They are maturing immigrants who have found new homes here. One major obstacle in the path of their maturity is how to learn American humor. Understanding American humor is the beginning of the process of integration into American life.
In his book, ``The Clash of Civilization," Samuel P. Huntington wrote: ``In the 1950s two-thirds of the immigrants to the United States came from Europe and Canada; in the 1980s roughly 35 percent of the much larger number of immigrants came from Asia. As a result, Westerners increasingly fear that they are now being invaded not by armies and tanks but by migrants who speak other languages, worship other gods, belong to other cultures, and, they fear, will take their jobs, occupy their land, live off the welfare system, and threaten their way of life."
Learning American humor seems to be good way for immigrants to start alleviating those fears.
Good luck to you all!
The writer is a Korean War veteran who now lives in the U.S. state of Georgia. He can be reached at dc.p@mindspring.com.