Fear and Darkness

By Lee Eun-pyo

The English conference in which I wanted to participate was held in Gwangju the other day. The 10 a.m. session by a renowned emeritus professor from the University of California, San Francisco, had attracted me there more than anything else, so I needed to take an early morning train.

When I got out of my apartment building before dawn, it was as dark as a night could be, with harsh wind. I bundled myself up with a scarf and hurried away, heading for the subway station, crossing lonely streets usually occupied by many cars and people. The gusty wind was cutting my face like a knife, so I ran to make the walk quick.

Hearing stories in the mass media of the criminal spree of a man who raped and murdered women, I must have formed a fear, which made me very reluctant to use a taxi alone. Fear is not necessarily caused by direct experiences. There was no particular incident that occurred to me which could have stirred this feeling inside me. And, yet, fear was there.

While walking along the sidewalk, I felt that the fear had to do with the darkness. As a young girl, I used to feel lonely, and was scared of dark nights. Perhaps there might have been unpleasant memories that I do not recall. And this fear might have caused the symptom of depression, which comes in winter, supposedly because of shorter daytimes. Obviously, less sunlight creates the blues for some people like me, the so-called ``sunlight deficiency syndrome (SDS),'' which can be treated with sunlight therapy.

This chaotic, wild world prevents people from having tranquility and serenity. Even though the crime rates are not high in the place where I live, things that we hear through the news are so hideous that it is difficult to have peace within.

Fear is a destructive feeling that needs to be eliminated. It deters people from trying, and affects them negatively. When fear takes over, not much can be done. Fighting with fear, for some people, may not be easy. Fear is not the opposite feeling of courage. Courage might be the next step after fear is under control and overcome.

The ultimate fear of human beings might be death. Perhaps being scared in the dark may have resulted from the fear that, when the time comes, we are bound to be taken to the unknown, supposedly dark place. Who knows what it is like up there? Therefore, it is understandable to have at least a little bit of fear about the end. But to the believers of God, the place that human beings are taken to, in the end, is supposed to be bright and peaceful. There is no proven fact to verify our destination. So, why worry and have fear?

Ralph Waldo Emerson declared a tremendous truth: ``They conquer who believe they can." And he added, ``Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain."

The writer is an English professor at Eulji University. She can be reached at elee@eulji.ac.kr.