Men, women pointing swords at each other
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A civic group, top, holds a protest, urging society not to consider men as potential criminals near Hyehwa Station in Seoul, last Oct. 27. Women, bottom, participate in a rally against spycam porn and voyeur videos at Gwanghwamun Square in Seoul, Dec. 22. Graphic by Cho Sang-won
By Jung Hae-myoung
Recently, a 22-year-old man, surnamed Kwon, was unsatisfied with his university's decision to offer a scholarship given to female students only.
“From my experience, professors are much more favorable toward female students and they have higher grades,” Kwon said.
He believes women, unlike in the past, enjoy almost the same rights as men and often rather benefit from “women-only” or “women-first” policies.
Kwon's sister, 25, said she tried to explain feminism to her brother, but he still could not fully understand the structural problems.
“I think men who have low self-esteem would feel more threatened by intelligent women and avid feminism activists, thinking they themselves are victims,” she said.
“He cannot relate to women, so he just ends up complaining based on what he has experienced and became more defensive of what he has.”
The conflict of the Kwon siblings shows the gender dispute in Korean society, which comes from a lack of understanding about each other, or rather, unwillingness to understand.
This reached a serious level last year along with the #MeToo movement, massive women's rallies against spycam pornography and gender-biased police investigations, as well as men feeling disadvantaged because of the government's “for-women” policies amid shrinking job market.
Gender conflict is more serious among the younger generation. A recent survey by Realmeter showed people in their 20s think gender conflict is the most serious social conflict, with 56.5 percent saying so, followed by 22.2 percent naming wealth disparity and 9.3 percent saying ideological disputes.
Hate words
New slang and labeling became popular among young people in 2018, and more people started to use the terms lightly.
Some Korean slang gives hints of hatred such as “han-nam,” belittling Korean men and their attitudes, and “mom-chung,” which is a compound word “mom” and “chung,” calling mothers insects for letting their babies cause noise in public areas.
While the misogynic word “kimchi-nyeo” (kimchi girl) was used to imply gold digger back in 2009, some women now use “kimchi-nam” (kimchi boy) to mirror how men unfairly treat women.
Such act of reversing gender called “mirroring,” often used by extreme feminist groups including Womad, has caused a stir over abusive language, even drawing backlash from women. This also contributed to some men's repulsion toward feminism.
According to another Realmeter survey, only 14 percent of men in their 20s were supporting feminism while 64 percent of women supported the idea.
“Womad is what came out after feminists realized they can no longer fight with refined, persuasive language,” said Yoon Kim Ji-young, a professor of the Institute of Body and Culture at Konkuk University. “It is only the extreme end of the spectrum.”
Such hatred toward the opposite sex has even led to physical conflicts, as in the case of a brawl at a bar near Isu Station in Seoul, where two women claimed they were beaten by men for “unfeminine looks” with short haircut without makeup, while the men claimed the women picked the fight with derogatory words and they were also violent. Both sides have been booked for assault.
Why women resist being silent
While some may say Korea has achieved gender equality in many aspects, many women say they still face discrimination and their lives and safety are quite often threatened.
Shim Hyung-jun, 25, said he was surprised when his girlfriend said she has never seen a taxi driver being kind when she took a taxi alone.
“I never thought of a taxi as an unsafe space. That was when I realized some people can live in fear that I may never have to experience in this society,” he said.
According to the Korean Institute of Criminology, 3,000 out of 13,317 men in Korea said they never fear being victims of sex crimes, while 95 percent of women said they constantly worry they could be targeted.
Along with daily threats, the glass ceiling is still present here from the starting line.
“The glass ceiling is present in all countries, but I think it is more serious in Korea,” a 25-year-old woman surnamed Lee said.
“In Korea, there are no female executives at all when they reach a certain level. Some male executives explicitly reject female employees because they use maternity leave when having a baby.”
However, when women raise their voice, they are labeled “feminists,” as if it were a disgrace.
In March, male fans raged at Irene from girl group Red Velvet for reading “Kim Ji-young, Born in 1982,” only because it is popular fiction among feminists.
In November, SaneE, a famous rapper, was censured by the public for blaming “feminists” whom he said were “mentally ill.” He released multiple tracks criticizing feminism and dissed a fellow rapper for promoting feminism.
Culture critic Jeong Ji-woo says the hatred shown on social media is not a sudden outburst.
“The problem has been there all the time, and social media only gave it a platform,” he said.
Jeong Hee-jin, a women's studies scholar and writer of the book “The Challenge of Feminists,” says online spaces make women equal to men.
“However, society has not taught them how to break the wall and there was no change of behavior in individual men,” she said. “There is more to talk about gender, and feminism is only the start of this complicated discourse.”
From gender hierarchy to gender diversity
In recent years, the discourse on feminism largely remained in a dichotomous frame of male and female.
Jeong Hee-jin says feminist discourse is not only about women but all genders. It is not the history of a struggle and fight, but a method of coexisting with people of different genders and backgrounds.
In that sense, men and women should not fight against each other, but fight with each other, embracing different genders, to defeat the common enemy called “patriarchy.”
Choi Young-ae, the chairperson of the National Human Rights Commission of Korea, also said she will form a team to battle hatred rooted in Korean society.
“Hatred between men and women is impractical and futile. Two hatreds in conflict without reason can endanger Korean society,” Choi told The Korea Times.
She compared Korea's feminist movement with that in France, which was evaluated as violent and extreme at first.
“The movement can explode in different ways when there is no channel to speak out, and we should welcome these complicated discussions,” Choi said. “I think Korean society can improve from this stage, and the strategy of hatred will not remain long in the mainstream of society.”
Jung, a 21-year-old male student in support of feminism, said men should try to understand and empathize with women.
“Since men are privileged in this society, there is limitation to their understanding,” Jung said. “However, I think men not even attempting to empathize with women's rights is just an excuse. They can surely try.”