Who's the star of the party? Korean moms' lavish dresses stir debate at babies' 1st birthdays
Illustration by Shin Dong-jun
In Korea, a baby’s first birthday — called "doljabi" or "doljanchi" — once held great significance. Or at least it did 10 years ago, when it was commonly marked with huge celebrations involving not only family members but also friends and workplace colleagues.
The trend has since taken a different turn, with celebrations growing considerably smaller and often involving only immediate family members. Online, however, a flurry of questions can still be found over how large the celebration should be and what kind of outfit the mother should wear.
At the forefront is the question of whether a celebration is needed at all and whether it would be fine to simply take photos of the baby and have dinner with both sides of the family. Commenters generally agreed that it would. One said many parents simply have photos taken and skip the celebration altogether. Some explained how they had handled it: One had only photos taken of the baby after consulting both families in advance, while another brought the two families together for a meal at a restaurant.
One commenter mentioned an acquaintance who had only photos taken and made a donation to an orphanage in the baby’s name. Some who decided to hold a small celebration said they did so because the child might feel left out when they grew up, with no story to share when others talked about what they had grabbed at their first-birthday celebrations.
Rings, however, appeared to remain a fixture of a baby’s first birthday, regardless of whether a celebration was held. Commenters generally said they had received commemorative rings from their parents even when the ceremony was replaced with a family meal or skipped altogether.
Debate over elaborate dresses
The subject that drew the most divided opinions was the mother’s outfit, with some expressing surprise at how elaborately mothers now dress for the occasion.
Some criticized what they called “Instagram-obsessed” mothers for turning the event into a party centered on themselves. Others noted that some young mothers wore exceptionally glamorous outfits and took large numbers of photos.
One commenter said they had been shocked by a first-birthday video that appeared on their Instagram Reels feed, saying the mother’s outfit looked too impractical for her to even hold the baby. Others attributed the trend to influencers and celebrities, saying their elaborate dresses had gradually begun to catch on among the wider public.
But at the same time, different voices emerged, with some expressing a desire to wear a glamorous dress and receiving supportive responses. One commenter said that after a difficult year of raising a baby, the mother deserved to shine brightest on the child’s first birthday. Others said there was nothing excessive about dressing up and that mothers should wear whatever they wanted.
“Indulge yourself while you have the chance,” one commenter said. “A first birthday party is also a celebration of the mother’s hard work over the past year. Do everything you want.”
Celebration turns into a tense affair
Despite the supposedly celebratory nature of the event, many recounted feeling uncomfortable because they and their in-laws had different ideas about how it should be held. One commenter wrote that although she wanted a smaller celebration, her in-laws invited friends who were fond of drinking.
Some advised her to cancel the party altogether, saying the guests seemed more interested in drinking than celebrating the baby’s birthday. Others sympathized with her predicament, describing it as a no-win situation.
One commenter said she had experienced similar stress because her own family limited such gatherings to immediate relatives, while her in-laws always turned them into large events. Whenever she complained, she said, her mother-in-law told her to simply listen to her elders, leaving her frustration to build.
Another jokingly asked whether each of the in-laws’ friends would at least bring gold as a gift. Others criticized the in-laws for failing to consider how uncomfortable the large gathering could make the other side of the family.
Some noted that while small first-birthday celebrations had become the norm, parents were still sometimes forced to hold large parties at the insistence of older family members. In the end, however, it was the parents who faced criticism for throwing an extravagant celebration, one commenter said.
The celebration was also met with a sense of discomfort among those invited, particularly when the few parents who still held large parties appeared intent on collecting cash gifts.
One commenter noted that despite telling guests not to feel burdened, hosts rarely explicitly asked them to come empty-handed. Another said they had received an invitation in a group chat accompanied by a message saying attendance was optional, only to receive a private message asking why they had not come.
Some described inviting workplace colleagues to spend part of their precious weekend at another person’s baby’s birthday party as a major imposition. If parents wanted acquaintances to celebrate their baby’s first birthday, one commenter said, they should at least clearly tell them not to bring gifts.
Others noted that practices differed outside major cities, where relatives often lived near one another and older first-birthday customs remained more common. Still, many said the times had changed and that inviting anyone beyond relatives felt like a practice left over from the 2000s.
This article from the Hankook Ilbo, the sister publication of The Korea Times, is translated by a generative AI system and edited by The Korea Times.