Do parents need a limit on screen time?
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Kids get a share of dad’s screen time as they increasingly become curious about what’s inside the glowing device. / Courtesy of Jane Han
By Jane Han
A while back, I wrote about regulating screen time for my kids.
But as much as I hate to admit it, I am realizing more and more that maybe it is me and my husband ― the mom and dad ― who need to set stricter limits on how much we’re plugged in throughout the day.
I’ve been thinking about this matter for quite some time as it has become undeniably obvious that the girls now seem to have a pretty good awareness of what mom and dad are doing with their glowing rectangular device.
Thankfully, for some good and unknown reason, they think we’re doing something important.
To my defense, I’d like to say that I really am attending to something considerably urgent and important when I am fixated either on my phone or laptop.
I set a general rule for myself that I would check my phone only if I get an alert for e-mails, text and instant messages or, of course, if I receive or need to make a phone call.
You’d be surprised at how much correspondence I receive regarding each of my three girls as they become more involved with school, church and other activities. And when I have a deadline to meet for work, I go ahead and sit in front my computer while the girls are at play.
So yes, that’s my excuse.
OK, and I’m not going to deny that I do log on to Facebook from time to time when I hear an alert or see that red circle notification pop up.
As you can tell and as I can tell while detailing out my screen usage, the time I spend only partially present with my daughters may be much more than I thought.
I typically don’t keep track of how often I check my device, but I did today, for the sake of this column.
It turns out, I had a reason to pick up my phone, on average, at least once every 45 minutes to an hour. And each time I looked, I’d say I spent anywhere between one to 10 minutes.
Today was sort of a “slow” day, where I don’t think I received as many e-mails and instant messages as usual, which means I am distracted more often on other days.
As I let this self-collected “data” sink in, I decided to do some research on parents’ use of media.
Surprisingly, I didn’t find much ― not nearly as much information compared to literally hundreds of thousands of pages of online resources on limiting media time for kids.
So are parents off the hook when it comes to stressing over screen time?
Far from it.
One of the few studies I found observed 55 groups of parents and children dining at fast food restaurants here in the U.S.
As soon as mealtime began, 40 out of the 55 adults immediately took out their mobile phones and used them throughout the meal, and interestingly, the children who were neglected showed deteriorating behavior.
Some complained, threw tantrums and even threw food, but the caregiver would briefly scold and return to their phone. And the same cycle would repeat itself.
This one study alone seems to demonstrate the ill effects of failing to give concrete, undivided attention to children, especially young ones.
Experts in this field repeatedly emphasize the critical importance of parents paying attention.
It’s not because kids are becoming increasingly self-centered, but because our children desperately need attention to feel secure and acknowledged, which enables them to thrive into functional adults.
I combed through dozens of pages of literature on this issue and, there, that’s pretty much the bottom line.
Kids need our attention. Period.
So, what now?
No more surfing the Web and thumbing through Instagram while putting the girls to sleep? No more squeezing in instant message chats with friends throughout the day?
I spend a good portion of the 24-hour day with my three girls so, honestly, sometimes I need a break.
But, again, these experts are saying that even those short moments add up fast.
So we’ll see what kind of lifestyle changes I’ll have to introduce to find a good balance.
After all, we are our children’s best and biggest role models so media consumption shouldn’t and wouldn’t be an exception, right?