(316) Well-being vs. well-dying
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By Janet Shin
While well-being is regarded as pursuing a good quality of life, well-dying means something different. It sounds that well-dying is the opposite of well-being. But it’s not.
I experienced a profound change in my view of well-being, which happened with my father’s death. He passed away in 2012 after chronic suffering from cancer. It was painful to watch his death as I had attended him at his bedside until the end. Once you know the truth, and think about the profound questions of life and death, you realize that death is not just a sorrowful thing but can even be a blessing.
When my father was suffering from cancer, the doctors found an additional tumor, which was still in its incipient stage. The doctors did not exactly predict how much time he had left, but told him he could live for a year, maybe even more, if he got an operation. He chose to have the operation to remove the tumor.
As it turned out, he couldn’t survive for long, even if the surgery was successful, which it wasn’t. Instead, he was troubled with all the difficulties after the surgery and died in terrible pain. I, as a so-called fortune teller, was part of the story and there was an eminent doctor in that famous hospital, who happened to be my cousin, and he couldn’t even convince my father not to get the operation.
There may be many others who have agonized over similar situations. I am not at odds with modern medical science. I do not hesitate to see a doctor when I feel sick or hurt. I trust their knowledge, skill and hard work in helping their patients become well. But we must know that we can’t rely on doctors for everything.
In my father’s situation, the duration of his life was shortened after the surgery, and what little time he had left he had to endure constant pain. Although I can’t say for certain, the doctor, my cousin, and I should have dissuaded my father from the unnecessary operation and let him die peacefully, but it didn’t happen that way.
Obviously, most people want to enjoy their lives while they are alive and they look for and find innumerable ways to live lives of “well-being.” However people look at well-being, I don’t think it is any more valuable than well-dying. It is not because well-being is a minor thing, but because there is something more significant we should do before our final day of life. We must realize that the attitude we take toward death can determine the quality of our living.
Well-dying is more related with how we can empty ourselves. It has to do with how we wrap up life and let it go, even if we have not fully achieved all we wanted to.
Life may be too serious if we focus only on death, but you can still think about how to live a carefree life and not ignore death. Think of this: try living as if you will leave the next day. Think about your loves, your habits, the things you don’t often use and even about your complicated human relations. Well-being concentrates more on how to live well with them, but well-dying may teach you how to leave these things well. It is not easy to say goodbye to the people who have been part of you. But it is meaningful to deliberate how to be away from them so they do not worry about you too much. By this, you can also learn about the life you are living. Nothing is immortal.
Life is not always satisfactory and it doesn’t always go as we plan. It is wise to think about how we can put down the burden of life instead of struggling to possess everything.
Are you interested in learning more about the
ancient Chinese teaching about the “Four Pillars
of Destiny”? For further information, visit
Janet’s website at www.fourpillarskorea.com,
contact her at 010-5414-7461 or email janetshin@
hotmail.com. The writer is the author of
“Life’s Secrets.”