INTERVIEW 'My Hell Could Not Kill Me': A defector's journey from home and back
Author Kim Kang-woo poses during an interview with The Korea Times at the newspaper’s headquarters in Seoul, Sept. 7. Korea Times photo by Shim Hyun-chul
The cover of book "My Hell Could Not Kill Me" by Kim Kang-woo / Courtesy of Book and Life
Editor’s note
This article is the second in a series of interviews with people whose lives intersect with North Korea, offering firsthand accounts of the risks, routes and relationships that connect the two Koreas and continue to shape their lives today.
In May 2016, Kim Kang-woo, then 21 years old, risked his life crossing North Korea's border into China to defect to South Korea in search of freedom, thinking he might never be able to return to the isolated country ever again. But three years later, in May 2019, he did not hesitate to jump back into the Amnok River — also known as the Yalu River in Chinese — and smuggle himself back into the North to save his mother.
"I knew that I could die or face up to five years in prison in South Korea ... But in the end, what made my determination clear was the realization that my mother had raised me for over 20 years, so sacrificing four or five years of my life in prison was the right thing to do. That very evening, I crossed over," Kim told The Korea Times in an interview marking the release of his first book in June.
He was born and raised in Ryanggang Province, North Korea, a border region near China. Titled "My Hell Could Not Kill Me" (translated title), the Korean-language memoir recounts his initial defection, his reentry into North Korea to rescue his mother, his second escape to the South and his life in Seoul.
A marketplace is crowded with people wearing masks at Hyesan in Ryanggang Province, North Korea, in this file photo taken Sept. 5, 2020. Kyodo-Yonhap
Promise he couldn't break
Kim's disillusionment with the regime began with North Korea's 2009 currency reform, when the government confiscated his family's wealth overnight, pushing them into poverty. Two years later, his father attempted to flee the North but was captured and died in state detention in Chongjin before standing trial, his body dumped at a local railway station.
Exposure to the outside world through South Korean dramas and cross-border smuggling deepened Kim's resolve to leave — as did the knowledge that under the regime's policy of collective punishment, his father's defection attempt had already closed the door on higher education for him.
"Until the currency reform, I was completely brainwashed and blind to the reality of the regime. But when I experienced poverty and hunger for the first time, seeds of doubt began to grow in my heart," he said.
He managed to leave the North and settled in Seoul in 2017 after completing the South Korean government's resettlement program. But some guilt and a promise he had made to rescue his mother from the North never left his mind.
"My entire goal for building a life in South Korea was rooted in the fact that I didn't come here just to live well on my own — so I had to bring my mother over as quickly as possible," he said.
For years, every won he earned working in Seoul went toward paying brokers to arrange his mother's rescue. He also decided to fly to China himself to help see the plan through. The arrangement was straightforward: his mother would follow the brokers he had hired across the border, where Kim would be waiting to welcome her. Initially, he had no intention of returning to North Korea himself, knowing it meant facing national security charges in the South and, above all, certain torture and death if caught by North Korean authorities.
However, after initially agreeing to escape, his mother hesitated at the very last minute. The brokers waiting near the border abandoned the mission, leaving Kim alone in China.
A town in Hyesan, Ryanggang Province, North Korea, seen from the border county of Changbai in China. Courtesy of Kim Kang-woo
Mission unravels
“While deciding to cross into North Korea took only two hours, I had agonized over the rescue mission itself for more than two months beforehand. Moreover, I felt that if I failed this time, came back to South Korea, worked to save up money and tried to prepare again, my will would shatter ... I just decided I would give it everything, even at the cost of my life, in that moment,” Kim said.
Backed by his experience smuggling goods across the river since he was 17, he felt confident he could make the crossing.
Even though he managed to slip across the border, his appearance quickly posed a major obstacle. With dyed hair and pierced ears — styles strictly forbidden in the North — he looked distinctly out of place.
Kim Kang-woo takes a selfie at his home in Hyesan, Ryanggang Province, North Korea, during his 22-day stay in the country in 2019. Courtesy of Kim Kang-woo
Heightened border security further complicated the mission. North Korean authorities intercepted a prolonged phone call his mother made to South Korea to borrow money for the broker's fee. She was promptly taken into custody, where she was beaten and questioned about Kim's whereabouts and her own intentions to escape.
What tormented him most was not the nature of the second escape itself, but the fear that he may have ruined his mother's life because of him.
"Since I managed to push through most of them through sheer force of will, the moment I feared most was when my mother was taken by the North's spy agency. That was when I completely broke down. I collapsed emotionally and cried harder than I ever had in my life. I couldn't even make a sound; the tears just kept streaming down," he recalled.
"I had crossed back into North Korea to save my mother, but my return ended up handing her over to the secret police — when she could have lived out the rest of her life in comfort on the money I sent. To make matters worse, I witnessed her being beaten right before my eyes that day. The overwhelming guilt and the complete hopelessness of what lay ahead crushed me entirely. That was, without a doubt, the hardest moment of all."
Kim Kang-woo poses during an interview with The Korea Times at the newspaper’s headquarters in Seoul, Sept. 7. Korea Times photo by Shim Hyun-chul
Reunited, then arrested
Luckily, his mother was able to talk her way out of custody, insisting she could never betray her own country. After learning of his mother's release, Kim crossed the river to China a second time to arrange for brokers to transport her across the border. During the process, he returned to his North Korean hometown and stayed there for 22 days.
After returning to the South, Kim was immediately arrested under the National Security Act and charged with involvement in a phishing scam used to raise funds for the broker's fee. While he was in prison, his mother was also able to defect to South Korea.
He spent roughly 10 months in custody during the investigation without meeting her in person, before ultimately receiving a suspended sentence and being released, as authorities took his extraordinary circumstances into account.
"The day I got out of prison, I severed ties with my friends and stopped drinking altogether. I wanted to treat it as a real turning point for my life," Kim said.
Kim Kang-woo poses during an interview with The Korea Times at the newspaper’s headquarters in Seoul, Sept. 7. Korea Times photo by Shim Hyun-chul
New beginning
Though he refers to his journey as a defection for the sake of clarity, Kim bristles at the word. He prefers to say he simply "moved" — from one part of the Korean Peninsula to the other.
"I don't think of myself as someone who betrayed my country. I just moved from the North to the South. The people I left behind in my hometown are still my people," Kim said.
He now attends university, majoring in international affairs — a long-held dream he had postponed to secure his mother's defection.
"I had a deep, lingering yearning to continue my education. I was always so envious watching friends whose score is lower than mine head off to universities and medical schools," he said.
"I almost gave up my education in South Korea, but an elderly gentleman who had heard my story reached out to me. He kindly told me that it made no sense to give up on studying just because of a lack of money and offered to support me if I wanted to pursue my education."
A 2019 letter Kim Kang-woo left to his friends in his hometown in North Korea when he redefected from the North. In the letter, he expressed how deeply he missed them and offered his wishes for their happiness and reunion. Courtesy of Kim Kang-woo
A recent trip to the United States offered Kim a moment of reflection. Visiting places he had only seen in South Korean dramas while growing up in the North — Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon — he said the trip made him feel certain he had made the right choice.
"In those moments, I felt so deeply glad that I had defected," he said.
Just as the elderly benefactor had helped him, Kim wishes to pass that support on to others. With that in mind, he wrote the book "My Hell Could Not Kill Me" to offer hope to those facing desperate situations. English and Japanese editions of the book are also in the works.
Kim said he wrote the book primarily for fellow defectors — people who, like him, escaped their own version of hell and deserved to find happiness on the other side. But he hoped the message would reach further than that.
"My message to anyone enduring a painful night or walking a suffering path is simple: don't give up — stand firm and press on. If someone like I could make it, I wanted to give them the courage to believe that they, too, can overcome their own trials," he said, adding that he hopes the book could bring comfort and courage to any South Korean going through a difficult time, not just defectors.