David Tizzard is a professor at Seoul Women’s University, holds a PhD in Korean Studies, and hosts the Korea Deconstructed podcast. He has lived and worked in Seoul for more than two decades. Reach him at datizzard@swu.ac.kr.
Wanted: Mayor of Seoul
Courtesy of Grego1402
By David A. Tizzard
The following is a satirical column in the form of a job application. It seeks to highlight some of the recent issues in Korean society in the lead-up to the election for the Mayor of Seoul and hopes that a better world can be created for us all going forward.
By David A. Tizzard
The city of Seoul is seeking applicants for the position of chief executive of the metropolitan government. The successful candidate will be given a budget of 40.05 trillion won for the upcoming year and provided official accommodation at the Mayor's residence in Hyehwa-dong.
The contract will run for a period of 4 years and be renewable a maximum of two times. The population of Seoul currently stands at just under 10,000,000 people.
There are a few basic requirements to be eligible for the position.
First, it is required that the successful candidate not sexually harass their co-workers, staff, or members of the public. Second, they are asked to provide written notice before terminating their contract.
Second, with construction around Gwanghwamun Square currently taking place, we ask the candidate to not politicize public spaces and turn citizens against each other, but instead ensure that all are welcome, regardless of political affiliation, and that such areas remain free of partisan politics and symbolism.
The successful candidate will also ensure that appropriately-priced housing remains available for all citizens and not just the wealthy. Furthermore, it will be imperative to ensure that insider trading and collusion do not result in one's friends and associates being able to purchase property and land at reduced prices.
The mayor will be asked to guarantee that appropriate sentences are given to those who commit crimes, particularly of a sexual or violent nature, and that the rule of law is upheld. The position no longer permits the issuing of lenient sentences based on the claim that the defendant has a family, a bright future, or was drunk at the time.
Ideally, the candidate will not discriminate against the citizens of Seoul according to their gender or sexual orientation. Seoul has long been home to the Seoul Queer Culture Festival and thus believes that all people should have the opportunity to live as equals in society.
Furthermore, such communities should not be described as tourist attractions nor commodified in such a way so as to profit from them. Describing oneself as opposed to any members of the city based purely on their identity would be considered unconstitutional.
The mayor should not seek to collude with the chaebol nor favor them to the detriment of small and medium enterprises. The city values innovation and the lives of its citizens.
The candidate will not be expected to build and pay for an airport using government money and without carrying out the necessary feasibility studies, which ensure safety, simply to curry favor and populist support.
The mayor will not be expected to stake his or her job on the outcome of public referendums, but should work hard to create an environment in which all young children are able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And snacks if they want them. Snacks are awesome.
If you could encourage laws and practices that don't discriminate against citizens based on nationality or ethnicity that would also be super. Public health is important, but so is equality.
Ideally the candidate will be able to freely and honestly communicate with the citizens of Seoul and not have to resort to reading scripted and pre-planned announcements while leaning on a heavily curated social media presence. You don't need to be a charismatic genius, but if you could talk to us once in a while without a script, that would be appreciated.
A person of any gender or age is free to apply for this position. We simply ask that you try to live up to the, admittedly incredibly difficult, requirements posted above. If you think that you are eligible, please do get in touch.
When sending the application, please ensure that none of the qualifications are forged, your dissertations are not plagiarized, and that your son or daughter has not been appointed a co-author on a Ph.D paper while still at middle school.
We look forward to hearing from you and working together to create a bright future for both the citizens and the generations that will follow.
Yours, the people of Seoul.
Dr. David A Tizzard (datizzard@swu.ac.kr) has a Ph.D. in Korean Studies. He is a social/cultural commentator and musician who has lived in Korea for nearly two decades. The views expressed in the article are the author's own and do not reflect the editorial direction of The Korea Times.