When trolls tell the truth

By Casey Lartigue Jr.

• Published Jan 5, 2026 1:10 PM KST

Have you ever read or heard criticism of yourself and concluded, "They're right!" That happens to me when internet trolls call me arrogant. If having confidence in myself, not blaming others for my problems and taking responsibility for my decisions means I am arrogant, then the trolls are right.

I am not the only person to embrace the label. American sportscaster and journalist Howard Cosell once wrote, "Arrogant, pompous, obnoxious, vain, cruel, verbose, a showoff. I have been called all of these. Of course, I am." Ronda Rousey, the former UFC champion and Olympic medal winner, flipped the accusation: "Some people like to call me cocky or arrogant, but I just think, 'How dare you assume I should think less of myself.'"

Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese soccer star, said, "There are people who hate me and say I'm arrogant, that I'm vain, that I'm like this and that. That's all part of my success." The Danish singer Medina said, "There are many Danes who think I am arrogant, but I love myself, and why should I not allow myself to be proud of what I have achieved?"

Inventor Thomas Edison was endlessly mocked by scientists, newspapers and engineers as being boastful and self-promoting. Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson was often accused of being "uppity" and "too proud."

I remember the first time someone called me arrogant, back in 1995. He was relentless in criticizing me, but was as quiet as a church mouse when we met a few years later.

But I accepted his initial criticism, and saw that what makes arrogance useful is taking full responsibility for my life. Earlier in my life, when something went wrong, I blamed or criticized others. I stepped into adulthood when I began taking responsibility for the events in my life. That did not change the world around me, but it changed how I moved through it.

Taking responsibility strengthened me. Instead of blaming others, I began asking myself, "What did I do to end up in this situation? What could I have done differently?" I looked at the man in the mirror rather than trying to change the world. There are more than 8 billion people in the world I have no control over. But I can control how I interact with others.

I don’t blame unreliable people. I take it as a lesson learned about them. When there's a problem at work, I study my blind spots. This doesn't mean I'm always right. Taking responsibility includes admitting when I've made bad calls. The difference is that I own those mistakes as mine to learn from.

When I genuinely began to believe that my outcomes are my responsibility, I began to develop an unshakeable confidence and began hearing people calling me arrogant. If I caused my failures, then I can also cause my successes. That confidence looks like arrogance to people who are still blaming others for their problems and trolling others.

The accusation of arrogance often comes from people who haven't made this shift. Tina Seelig describes this phenomenon in her book "What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20." In some Latin American countries, she wrote, there are "jacket pullers" who try to pull down those starting to rise. In other places, the metaphor is "crabs in a barrel," as no crabs can escape because each one drags another back down. Australians sometimes call this the "tall poppy" problem — the tallest flower is the first one cut. In Asia, there's a proverb that says, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down."

One of the favorite weapons of those accusing others of being arrogant is the word "humblebrag." The use of the word pushes people to hide or soften their achievements to avoid criticism. It discourages people from telling the truth about their experiences and accomplishments. When others accuse me of uttering a “humblebrag,” I say, “Yep! I’ve got a lot to brag about. And you?”

The American abolitionist Frederick Douglass in his memoir "Life and Times of Frederick Douglass" wrote, "If any one is to blame for disturbing the quiet of the slaves and slave-masters of the neighborhood of St. Michaels, I AM THE MAN." He refused to hide from his own decisions and actions.

Arrogance, properly understood, is not about thinking you're better than others. It's about refusing to diminish yourself to make others comfortable. It's about owning your decisions and their consequences — both good and bad. It's about believing you have agency in your own life.

When internet trolls call me arrogant, I agree with them. I believe my successes and failures are my own doing, and I take credit for what I've built. I don’t blame others when things don't work out. If that's arrogance, I'll accept the label.

Casey Lartigue Jr. (CJL@alumni.harvard.edu) is chairman of Freedom Speakers International, adjunct professor in public speaking at the Seoul University of Foreign Studies, co-country director of Giving Tuesday Korea, a member of the board of directors of the Korea-America Association, a columnist with The Korea Times, a member of the Harvard Graduate School of Education Alumni Council, and an alumni admissions ambassador at the Harvard Graduate School of Education.