International marriages in Korea
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By Andrew Salmon
Attending the wedding of a close friend recently, I felt a pang of melancholy. This chum, a 50-year-old, Seoul-based American entrepreneur, was the last man among my circle of friends who had managed to remain a bachelor. Now he, too, had succumbed to the inevitable.
Ah, well.
Still, the wedding was so jolly even my curmudgeonly feelings evaporated.
The ceremony featured droll commentary from one of Seoul’s most amusing expats acting as MC, and was followed by a convivial party in a nearby pub. I had to feel happy for my pal: His bride is a delightful Korean woman and throughout the day, a broad smile remained plastered across his mug.
It was a fine thing the two of them did ― for if the institution of marriage, which produces families, is the basis of society, then international marriages are the foundations of an international society.
That is what South Korea is increasingly becoming ― but it was not ever thus.
When I first lived here, in the early 1990s, international marriage was virtually taboo: Massive prejudices faced Koreans bold enough to wed foreigners.
A Korean mother I know of despairingly suggested that she and her daughter commit suicide when the latter told her she planned to marry a foreigner. My own (Korean) wife was insulted and even spat at by locals who despised this sullying of the "national blood.” An English-language Korean newspaper even chose, as the winner of its essay contest, a writer whose topic was how unpleasant it was to see biracial children. And so on.
This blatant racism tinged with sexism for most cross-cultural marriages in those days were of Korean females to foreign males ― is, I am pleased to say (and in my experience) no longer the norm.
I cannot remember the last time my wife was insulted for being beside me. Our teenage daughter has faced no prejudices ― indeed, some of her friend and teachers consider her biracial nature desirable.
It is an enormous credit to Korean society that it has embraced this positive change so broadly and so quickly.
At least in Seoul; I understand prejudice lingers in the countryside, where most mixed-race marriages take place. This is the opposite of the Western experience, where multiculturalism originated in cities. Many such marriages feature ``mail order brides” from China and Southeast Asia marrying poor Korean farmers.
But given that Seoul is the national opinion leader and trendsetter, it seems reasonable to assume that these rural prejudices, too, will disappear.
Even so, it must be said that international (or cross-cultural) marriages are not easy unions for those who embark upon them.
Years ago, while suffering marital problems, I sought the advice of a friend, an American who has lived in Korea most of his life. His great-grandfather was one of the first Westerners to migrate to Korea in the late 19th century during the Joseon Dynasty, and the values of this era still influence 21st-century Korea. Yet in well over a century, not one member of this family has ever married a Korean. I asked why. My friend responded with real wisdom.
Marriage is already difficult due to the gender gap in society that divides men and women, he said. Adding a cultural gap, he gently suggested, placed even greater stress upon the relationship.
His point seems borne out by the few statistics I have seen regarding international marriages, which indicate that the divorce rate in international marriages are higher than those of "normal” marriages.
However ― and regardless of their difficulties ― cross-cultural marriages must be considered, universally, as a positive.
We live in a world in which trade, travel and technology are driving ever-increasing global integration and inter-dependence. As humans, what unites us is our shared DNA: "nature.” Throughout history, what has often divided us are our different cultures: "nurture.” If we are to prosper as humanity, cultural barriers must be crossed (if not crushed).
With South Koreans engaging ever more closely with the wider world in every sphere – political, diplomatic, commercial, educational, social, personal ― it is appropriate and desirable for international marriages here to increase.
Cross-cultural unions seal not only international family ties, they embed a multi-racial/cultural strand in the national body, leading to a more diverse, globalized society, with all the positives such a society generates in terms of open-mindedness, tolerance and understanding.
Those who embark upon such marriages may indeed face greater challenges than those undertaking intra-cultural marriages, but they are moving their respective nations/cultures, as well as the broader family of humanity, in the right direction.
I will finish on a personal note ― by wishing Eric and In-soon good luck and God speed in the journey ahead of them.
Andrew Salmon is a Seoul-based reporter and author. Reach him at andrewcsalmon@yahoo.co.uk.