Marriage in N. Korea
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By Andrei Lankov
People marry ― most do, anyway. The institution of marriage has gone through numerous transformations, but overall it has been one of the most stable features of human society.
In North Korea, it is widely assumed that every person should marry. Divorce is possible but rare, and single motherhood, while not unknown, is exceptional. The general assumption is that a North Korean woman should get married by the time she turns 25 or so. Men can postpone marriage for a few more years, until they turn 30, but no longer. Staying single is decidedly not an option.
How do North Koreans marry, and what are their choice marriage partners?
The majority of marriages still result from negotiations between families. Friends, relatives and co-workers introduce a potentially suitable partner. Candidates may be rejected, but excessive fussiness is usually frowned upon. Additionally, both prospective bride and groom are usually under pressure to tie the knot before they pass the marriageable age.
It is not unusual, though, for people to marry people they have found themselves, although it is rare when a marriage takes place in spite of explicit parental objections ― Mum and Dad still have veto power.
It is impossible to estimate with much certainty the proportion of marriages arranged vs. love matches, but it seems that arranged marriages prevail, constituting between 50-65 percent of the total.
North Korean society consists of a number of hereditary groups ― somewhat similar to the estates of Europe before modern times. On an estimate, there are three major “classes” in North Korean society. Members of the “core class” including people whose ancestors were good revolutionaries and loyal servants of the regime, and who are therefore eligible for the most prestigious jobs.
The middle so called “wavering class” consist of people whose ancestors were neither great revolutionaries nor notorious reactionaries. The final class (known as the “hostile class”) are descendants of people who once did terrible things: former landlords, priests, prostitutes and party members on the wrong sides of factional struggles in the 1950s.
As one would expect, people usually marry within their own class. While social standing is inherited through the male line, in some cases the authorities tend to take into account a wife’s background as well. It is therefore always safer not to marry someone who is too low down in the hierarchy.
Of course, it is always a dream to marry well above your station, but this is easier said than done: North Korea’s hereditary elite is no more willing to marry down than, say, the aristocracy in 17th century France.
A girl whose descendants have behaved relatively well during the turbulent events of the 20th century Korean history and who is reasonably rich, might hope marry a party bureaucrat, a police official (secret police guys are especially highly prized in the North Korean marriage market), or if she is exceptionally lucky, a young diplomat.
A military officer will do as well; at least he is better than an industrial engineer or medical doctor. At the bottom, one can find manual laborers (miners are seen as the lowest of the low) and at the very bottom, farmers.
In the past, far fewer demands were made of women. It would do if a bride-to-be had a reasonably good class origin, and importantly, good looks. It would also be helpful if she were trained in some kind of feminine occupation ― such as, say, a schoolteacher or as a typist.
Things have changed much of late, though. Over the last fifteen years, women have become the breadwinners in most North Korean families. While men are usually restricted from full-time participation in the black-market economy, nearly all women are making money through different kinds of black-market activities.
A woman’s ability to earn money through individual entrepreneurship has become an important selection criterion for her. A young woman whose mother is known to be a successful wholesale trader would be rated highly and have chances to get a first-rate husband (perhaps, even a secret police captain!).
Recently a North Korea refugee explained to me her idea of a perfect match. She said: “It is good if the husband works at the secret police while the wife makes money at market. A woman makes money and this is the feminine thing to do, and the husband brings power and protection, which is his manly duty. This is the perfect match, although only about 1% of couples are like this.”
Readers could see this opinion as excessively cynical and cold-minded, but what she expressed is what many North Koreans take for granted.
Professor Andrei Lankov was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, and now teaches at Kookmin University in Seoul. You can reach him at anlankov@yahoo.com.