Weddings

By Chi-Young Kim

I’m not a huge fan of weddings. Whenever someone discovers this, they react in disbelief. Some will condescend, “You’re just pretending, all women love weddings,” and others will wax poetic about the celebration of love and affirming the union in front of family and friends.

I can appreciate the handmade vintage look that is popular right now, complete with dancing in a barn, macaroni and cheese served from a communal dish, and bouquets that look like they contain wildflowers but do not. An open bar helps. I also like hearing about simple courthouse weddings, which seem to be gaining in popularity. I can always talk about dresses and I’m happy to go along to dress shopping appointments. I once even tagged along to help my friend’s sister pick out her dress, even though I had only met her once.

But there’s something about the artificiality of modern day weddings, with the dresses, vows, bridal showers, brunches, posed pictures, and engagement and bachelorette parties that I just don’t get. I cringe at rituals from the medieval era that are upheld as tradition: being given away by your father like you are chattel, wearing white and a veil. It also seems that planning and throwing a wedding drain the bride and groom; many couples I know take a brief vacation to recover from the wedding and then go on their honeymoon much later, when they have the energy to enjoy it. In these days of increasing divorces and a whole variety of different living arrangements and relationships, it seems a bit archaic to have a wedding.

When we were kids, my sister and I never had pretend weddings and we never dreamed of the perfect wedding or ever uttered the words “On my wedding day….” I don’t know if it’s the way we were brought up or if Koreans don’t share these common American fantasies. I know some people who already know what kind of engagement ring they want ― and they don’t even have a boyfriend yet. Instead, whenever I hear about a cheesy proposal story involving boats and champagne or a hidden ring in a dessert, I roll my eyes. I helped my cousin pick out an engagement ring and in the hour we spent in the store, both of our eyes glazed over as we weighed the difference between various cuts and clarity and the two other “Cs” I can’t recall. I’m not like this just about weddings: if you tell me about your peaceful and beautiful birth experience or how you know that the guy you’re dating is the one, I’ll probably be making a face, too. A romantically inclined friend of mine describes me as the Grinch.

Unfortunately for the Grinch in me, I’ve entered that phase in my life where wedding invitations are flying fast and furious. But there’s one thing about it I quite enjoy: it’s a great excuse to catch up with old friends and enjoy everyone’s company; preferably with drinks in hand. Before last year, I had been to maybe three weddings in my whole life. Last summer I found myself rushing around the city to attend weddings, squeezing events in between my newborn’s feeding schedule. As anyone who has nursed a newborn knows, this meant that I had at most 4 hours away from the baby. This being Los Angeles, at least two hours are spent just getting there and back, which only left me with 2 hours at the wedding.

For one wedding, I went with my dad and brought the baby. It was probably the silliest thing I could have possibly done, because it was one of those sweltering, breezeless, humid days and the wedding was outside. The loud music caused the baby to melt down, resulting in us making a hasty departure. For the next wedding, my dad babysat. I got to the venue in record time but unfortunately got lost while trying to find the church. By the time I found it, the bride and groom were walking down the aisle ― out the church doors. I lasted through until cocktail hour and managed to congratulate the bride and groom before speeding back home. The next month, I went to the wedding of my dear friend from college. Her wedding was held at a breathtaking venue overlooking the ocean. That, of course, meant it took forever to get there, along winding coastal roads. As the wedding began late, I had to leave soon after the appetizers were served. I did get to catch up with some friends I hadn’t seen in eight years but I felt stressed for having to make a mad dash out the door before the celebrations even began.

This summer I’m in a wedding party. Thankfully, it will be much easier to attend this wedding, since I won’t be physiologically linked to my kid’s feeding times, we have babysitting lined up, and the wedding is local. Emails are flying fast and furious between my old college friends; it looks like most of them will be attending. It will be the first time in almost a decade that the whole group will be together again. For the first time in my life I wish this was a week-long wedding.

Chi-Young Kim is a literary translator based in Los Angeles. She has translated works by Shin Kyung-sook, Kim Young-ha, and Jo Kyung-ran. Contact her at chiyoung@chiyoungkim.com or via her website, chiyoungkim.com.