Tyranny of the thin

By Andrew Salmon

Some time ago a deliveryman arrived at my home. My wife answered the door and the deliveryman handed over the package. Transaction complete, the charming fellow casually informed my wife she was fat and departed.

My other half is what is known in politer circles than deliverymen as “full-figured”; those of an artistic temperament might describe her as “Rubenesque.” When we were living in the U.K., where people on the whole are larger than in East Asia, her figure never attracted attention.

In the ROK, it attracts a lot and it is all negative, for in a nation where gyms refuse admittance to the overweight, the deliveryman’s comment was far from unique. Needless to say, this heaps massive stress on her. It puts me in a dilemma, too, though my opinion on this matter barely counts, given the intense peer pressure on her to shed pounds.

This is problematic, as I am a lad who has always favored the plumper lass. In fact, I have never understood the attraction of the angular, bony and emaciated maidens who mince across the pages of fashion magazines worldwide. Whence this feminine ideal?

While it is politically incorrect to argue such things these days, let us be clear: The male and female anatomies are, indeed, different.

Let’s examine the contrasts.

The ideal male aesthetic is tall, lean and angular with toned muscle; a figure rooted in the world of our cave-dwelling ancestors. If Ug were a tall chap, he had better perspective from which to spot distant herds of mammoth; a lean physique was ideal for running them down; and muscle tone was helpful when clubbing his dinner over the head. (Not to mention for slinging cave babes over his shoulder and carrying them off to his lair for an evening of romance. But I digress).

The ideal feminine figure was the opposite. Ugess had broad hips ― ideal for giving birth to multiple children, for in an age when hungry saber-tooths roamed the plains, and in a place where hospitals and pharmacies were few and far between, infant mortality was high.

Likewise, she boasted substantial breasts ― perfectly designed to dispense milk. All things being equal, ample breasts and amble hips likely meant some amplitude in between: judiciously placed rolls would have provided insulation for the mini-Ugs to cuddle into during those long, Ice Age nights.

These contrasting figures broadcast success and contentment, for Ug was keeping fit, while keeping Ugess and Little Ug generously supplied with grub.

Judging from European art, this ideal of a rounded, curvaceous female has been admired for most of history: it is only in the mid/late 20th century that the emaciated maiden has come into fashion ― which brings us to the unnatural horrors of, well, fashion.

We live in an odd world, one in which the female fashion industry is largely the domain of gay male designers. Given the sexual prerogative, it seems that such haute couturiers ― even though they are designing for females ― are unconsciously projecting their beau ideal of the young male onto the opposite gender.

Today, their favored form ― tall, skinny, angular and curve-free, reminiscent of a gangling teenage fellow rather than a naturally endowed female ― has been adopted worldwide.

While this “tyranny of the thin” may rule globally, it is particularly harsh in the ROK.

On Korea’s anatomic front, the general physique is slimmer than the Caucasian, but a heavier diet than has ever been the historical case on the peninsula now predominates. On the social front, there is enormous pressure to conform to the dictates of fashion. Hence the stress affecting my wife and (no doubt) many, many women like her.

But if fashion is designed to catch the eye of the opposite gender, let me ask: is the emaciated maiden really an object of desire for the heterosexual male?

Many gents, I suspect, are secret admirers of curvy cuties: a brief search around the, ahem, “darker” corners of the Interweb turns up site after site devoted to admiration of the BBW (“Big Beautiful Woman”).

Clearly, while the softness and warmth of the feminine curve is suited to childbearing and pleasant to the touch, it also provides visual delights: The flash of fleshy thigh; the roll of ample buttock; the wobble of lower belly; the sway of full bosom … gaaahhh, calm down man, calm down! (Writer hurriedly departs computer; takes swift ice-cold shower; returns refreshed and refocused).

I am not arguing for obesity, a condition which carries with it very significant health problems. I am arguing for a return to/rethink of the female aesthetic ― one that is designed around the anatomical blueprint of a properly-nourished woman, rather than a starving waif or a teenage male.

So, to the full-figured females of the peninsula, I say: get off those scales! Enjoy that bulgogi! Ditch that trouser suit and slip into something sexy!

If you all do this, my wife may get the message, too.

Andrew Salmon, a Seoul-based journalist and author, can be reached at andrewcsalmon@yahoo.co.uk. His new Korean War history, “Scorched Earth, Black Snow,” will be published in London in late April.