As for groom, the younger the better

Football player Ki Sung-yueng and actress Han Hye-jin / Korea Times file

• Published Dec 13, 2017 4:13 PM KST
• Updated Dec 13, 2017 4:13 PM KST

Golden Age for older woman-younger man couples

By Yun Suh-young

In recent years, society worldwide has seen an increase in couples where the woman is older than the man.

This is explicitly felt due to the example of publically known figures, from celebrities to political figures who married despite extremely wide-apart age gaps. Actress Demi Moore was a shocking case several years back, when she married actor Ashton Kutcher who was 15 years younger than her. Then came the bigger shock from newly elected French President Emmanuel Macron whose wife is 25 years older than him.

In Korea in 2013, actress Han Hye-jin, 36, married football player Ki Sung-yueng who is eight years younger than her, while singer Baek Ji-young, 41, married actor Jung Suk-won who is nine years younger than her. Actress Choo Ja-hyun, 38, is enjoying belated fame these days after her married life with Chinese actor Yu Xiaoguang, who is two years younger than her, was revealed on a TV show.

Then there are the recently married top star couples -- actress Song Hye-kyo, 36, and actor Song Joong-ki, who is four years younger than his wife, and actress Kim Tae-hee, 37, and singer Rain who is two years younger. Singer Bada, 37, former member of ‘90s idol girl band S.E.S., also got married this year to a husband nine years younger than her.

The recently ended TV drama “Temperature of Love” also featured a romance between female character Lee Hyun-soo (played by Seo Hyun-jin), a television script writer, who is six years older than her boyfriend On Jeong-seon (played by Yang Se-jong), a chef at a Michelin-starred restaurant.

Heavy media exposure of celebrity couples and in fictional scenarios of older woman-younger man relationships make it seem like there is an increase in the number of such couples. And this is in fact true: Statistics really show that the numbers are going up.

According to the “Life of Women Seen Through Statistics,” a report released by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family this year, 16.2 percent of 221,100 marriages last year were of couples where the woman was older than the man. This percentage was higher than that for same-aged couples (15.9 percent); and double the rate of older women-younger men couples in 1990 which was 8.8 percent.

The percentage of older women-younger men couples has been exceeding that of same-aged couples yearly since 2013 when both equaled each other. From 2014, the percentage of older women-younger men couples increased every year.

A survey by matchmaking agency Duo in 2013 on 596 singles between 20 and 39 showed 82.5 percent of respondents answering they wanted to experience older women-younger men relationships.

According to the survey, among reasons why younger men like older women are because they are: 1) considerate (46.9 percent), 2) knowledgeable (14.4 percent), and financially sufficient (13.1 percent). As for women, 30 percent were positive about such relationships because of equal and respectful relations while 21.3 percent answered they could live more energetically and actively due to the younger men. Other reasons were: fight less and understand more (17.6 percent), and overcome life expectancy gap (10.9 percent) as well as stability in lifestyle coming from women's maturity (10.1 percent).

“It feels like there's still purity in younger men. With older guys, they have more experience in life so they're more calculative. They're not as active in winning a girl's heart compared to younger men. It's like ‘you don't like me, then oh well.’ They don't invest their all into the relationship. But younger guys are very active in wooing a girl's heart,” said Kim So-hyun, 33, who got married this year to a husband four years younger than her.

"They do their best and express themselves with sincerity. I met another younger man before meeting my husband and I think the traits are common in younger men in general. They don't calculate -- they just move forward. They're fresh and still look at the world with pure eyes.”

Physiological merits also come into play.

“Younger husbands are more energetic and active, and can't compare to older men in physical capacities. I also heard there are higher chances of having a healthier baby with younger men,” she said.

“Mentally, I don't feel much of a gap because my husband is mature and I'm quite babyish.”

Lee So-yeon, 39, who has been married for two years to a husband eight years younger than her, also said young husbands are more energetic.

"As for my husband, he's different from the typical ajeossi (term referring to middle-aged married men) who lies down on the sofa after coming home from work. He's energetic and passionate, which I think is common for younger men. Physically too, so they don't get fatigued with helping or serving," she said.

"They are also less worn out by society. When they're young in their 20s, their priority is women so they're very caring and nice to women. But when men enter their 30s, women are no longer their priority as career and life takes over."

An interesting trait of young men is that they try to act more manly, according to Lee.

"They're more macho and act like they're older. The reason why they meet older women is because they don't want winey and childish women. But it doesn't mean they want a mother figure. They want to be manlier because they're younger. In my case, my husband was more mature than anyone I met who was my age."

Social explanations of older women and younger men couples are attributed to the increase in women's participation in the economy as well as their enhanced social status.

But considering the longer life expectancy of women, it also makes sense biologically.

The gender ministry's report showed women's life expectancy was 85.2 in 2015 which is 6.2 years more than the average male's life expectancy of 79. Women's life expectancy increased by 3.6 years in a decade from 81.6 in 2005 to 85.2 in 2015.

Statistics show women are also getting married at a later age these days compared to decades ago. The average age of a woman's first marriage stood at 30.1 in 2016, while in 2005 it was 27.7 and in 1990 it was 24.8. Reciprocally, men's age of first marriage also increased to 32.8 in 2016, while in 2005 it was 30.9 and in 1990 it was 27.8.

The majority of marriages are still between older men and younger women, but if the reverse trend continues to increase, there may be slimmer chances for men to get married as they age.

This older women-younger men couple may seem a recent social trend, but it turns out Korean youngsters had always been open to such relationships.

In May 1998, the progressive local daily Hankyoreh published a feature article on older women and younger men couples and how women were actively proposing to men. But the age gap of the featured couples was only one or two years and relationships were limited to campus couples.

In a June 1999 survey by Kyunghyang Shinmun, another progressive local daily, 85 percent of respondents answered they were okay with getting into relationships with older women or younger men.

Despite decades-long social perceptions open to such relationships, it's only since a few years ago that statistics had actually showed change. The only difference between then and now is that today, the age gap is wider.