Nesting begins: Am I ready?
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By Jane Han
And the final countdown begins.
With just three days left till my due date, I guess it really doesn’t matter if I’m ready or not. Either way, the babies are coming into the world at nine in the morning.
My 38 weeks is up and the moment is finally here.
Physically, I can confidently say that I am beyond ready. Every time I struggle to get up at 2 a.m. with a watermelon belly and swollen feet for my 12th bathroom run of the night, the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I only have a few more days of these painful nights left.
But psychologically and emotionally, I don’t know what I’m feeling. It’s a constant back and forth. One moment I’m ecstatic that I finally get to see my beautiful girls. The next moment, I’m in utter panic that I’m not prepared to look after such tiny and fragile human beings who will call me mom.
Yes, mom. That word was always someone else. My mom, my mom’s mom, my neighbors and a bunch of friends, but now it’s going to be me. Oh no, another panic attack on the way.
Am I thinking too much? Probably. But it’s good to know that I’m not the only pregnant woman who feels this way close to delivery. And this may be one of the reasons why the “nesting” instinct kicks in for most moms-to-be right about now, just before giving birth.
I didn’t know what nesting was until my doctor told me that’s what I was doing.
Apparently, it’s a natural and powerful instinct to prepare a good “nest” for the baby that’s soon to come.
This short, but super productive period typically leaves pregnant women obsessively cleaning out the closet, reorganizing the cupboards, rushing to stock up the pantry and juggling a whole lot of other housework all day long, which doesn’t leave much time and energy for anxiety and panic attacks.
And so I spent the past weekend fulfilling my final nesting prep work.
I emptied out the freezer, reorganized all my pots and pans and even cleaned the windows, all of which is a very rare occurrence for me. But maybe there’s really something satisfying about nesting, because after laboring all day long all weekend long, I felt much more prepared for my girls.
I mean, it’s not even like they’re going to check to see that my kitchen shelves are clear of dust, right? But still.
Now that I’m simply waiting, literally counting down till the final hour, I’m beginning to think that cesarean birth — something that I’ve been ordered to do because I’m carrying twins — actually contributes to cranking up the anxiety level.
Knowing exactly when I need to check into the hospital and when the surgery will begin forces me to be extra obsessed about being ready. I think this is the sort of situation where a little surprise wouldn’t hurt.
As I finish up another day and inch a step closer toward meeting my babies, I continue to ask myself the same question, “Am I ready?”
But as people always say, you’re never ready for a baby. As cliche as it sounds, it seems true.
Nine months, nine years or even a longer period will probably not make any parent feel truly ready. You just have to go with it — and that’s what I’m about to do.
After all this anticipation and anxiety, we’ll see how I come out after the big day. Stay tuned.