Skype sessions for depression
Dear Dr. P,
I have been in Korea for about three months and I have been feeling quite depressed. I would like to speak to a therapist about this, but I have a few concerns: I would prefer not to take medication, I do not live in Seoul, I wish to keep my therapy a secret from my colleagues, and I worry that the cost will be more than I can afford.
To be a little specific about my depression, I would first say that I have dealt with some degree with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Living and teaching in Korea has been difficult as a result. Not only has my social life been affected, but my job performance is suffering as well. I have had thoughts of leaving my job, but I would prefer to stay and work things out if possible. Speaking with family and friends hasn’t been enough, and it’s time I do something I should have done a while ago and seek therapy.
Dear Sender,
It must be very difficult and stressful for you to feel anxiety and to suffer depression in an unfamiliar foreign country. It is a pity that you have had thoughts of leaving your job. However, I think it would be good for you to continue your job if possible. In many cases of depression, it is better to confront the difficulties directly than to avoid it.
If it is difficult to come to Seoul, how about having a Skype session with me? It is possible for you to save the money and time, and the confidentiality can be guaranteed thorough it. My skype ID is doctor.park and you may make an appointment by phone call or E-mail in advance.
If that is not possible for you, I would like to recommend you to read some books first. Although it was published a long time ago, the classic books such as “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale and “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman would be helpful for you to understand yourself better.
Thank you,
Hi, Dr. P,
My husband has a very short fuse and it is really hurting our relationship and his health. How do you think I can help him? He has very high blood pressure and is only in his early 30s. He exercises often and generally eats healthy. I am convinced it is because of his struggles with dealing with stress and anger. He gets very stressed and angry about everything, from me being five minutes late, waiters making small mistakes or bad service, etc. His reactions involve sighing loudly, angry facial expressions, swearing, threatening the person.
If it’s anger with me, he would also throw things across the room, kick and punch the doors till they’re dented, breaking things, pretend I don’t exist. He has threatened divorce so many times close to the end of the argument if I don’t give in. It seems he cannot deal with mistakes and when anything happens outside of his control, he goes crazy and loses it. What can I do to help?
Dear concerned wife,
Many tragedies happened due to failure of anger management such as Othello, one of great tragedies by Shakespeare. There is a proverb “a person who can control their anger is better than the person who seized the castle” referring that it is very difficult to deal with anger issues for everybody.
Then, why cannot people stand on their anger? There must be many reasons, but psychologically, anger originates from hostility that comes from the frustration of love. In other words, people who are quick tempered have a persecutory idea by the unresolved conflict of betrayal. If they had an experience of being rejected by their parents when they really wanted to be loved or dependent in childhood, they become quick-tempered. Even when they try to repress their anger, they vent it without patience like your husband.
Repressing anger is not good for the mental health, but also being quick tempered can irritate others. However, it will be easier for you to deal with your husband’s anger issues if you can understand that there is a thirst for love behind his temper. Therefore, I would like to recommend you and your husband to consult psychotherapy or couple therapy to recognize the origin of his anger, or to read the books I mentioned in the Q&A above to understand yourselves more deeply. I hope you overcome this tough situation wisely.
Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for Park to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678.