Fighting depression

Dear Dr. P,

I find myself half a world away from my friends and family and feeling lost and alone. I went through several rough patches in my life prior to coming here and feel that I'm still being dragged down. I was considering visiting a psychiatrist but I'm afraid it will jeopardize my current position (I'm an English teacher at a public school).

Is it possible to come in for counseling and not get fired? Will my insurance cover it? Will it help, or should I just give my adjustment more time? Thank you.

Dear sender, I can understand how much you have suffered from loneliness in this unfamiliar foreign country. First of all, there are no disadvantages for you to visit a psychiatrist and have counseling to treat your depression. Of course, you are not going to be fired because of visiting a psychiatric clinic. Legally, a psychiatrist must keep a patient’s confidentiality, so you don't have to worry about that. It is true that people used to be prejudiced against psychiatric treatment in the past, but things have changed since then. People have started to think that depression is something that everybody can suffer from, just like catching a cold. Also, your psychiatric treatment can be covered by the Korean health insurance if you have it. I recommend you visit a psychiatric clinic as soon as possible.

Thank you for your advice. I have found it most helpful. I wrote to you before about my Korean girlfriend. I am 44 and she is 43. She has been in the United States for about 20 years. I would like to understand more about her and her Korean heritage.

I have learned that there are some challenges when you date a person from a different culture. I have found these challenges to be both fun and frustrating. Some of them are easily overcome like developing a taste for Korean food. Others are more difficult like traditional Korean values regarding sexual relations vs. American ways of looking at sex. I think that if I can better understand some of these ideas then I will be a better boyfriend in the future. Big question, why does she feel ashamed when we talk about sex? Is there a good way to discuss this part of our life that will not make her feel uncomfortable? Thank you

Dear sender, I am glad my advice could be of help. As you mentioned, it is true that differences in cultural background can affect your relationship. However, there are probably many elements that are common to all people regardless of their cultural background. The subject of sex, which you are concerned about, may be a sensitive one to a Western woman just as it is to an Asian woman. In that sense, the fact that your girlfriend is uncomfortable discussing that subject may also mean the relationship between you two has not developed to the point where you can talk about it comfortably. Instead of bringing up a subject your girlfriend is still uncomfortable about too soon, you should make sure that she can whole-heartedly trust and confide in you. Should you cling on to the subject of sex without this trust between you two, it may become a hindrance to your relationship. If you become intimate naturally instead of rushing into things the problem concerning sex talk will clear up by itself.

Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates a personal therapist forum on www.lifeinkorea.com. For counseling, please submit your questions to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678.