Help your kid overcome stuttering with patience

Dear Dr.P,

I am the mother of an 8-year-old boy who started school this year. He started talking relatively early and learned new words fast when he was younger. But one day he started to stutter. It was not serious at first but now it’s gotten much worse. On top of it, his friends are making fun of him, and my son keeps telling me he doesn’t want to go to school. He is very scared of teachers asking him to read out loud during class. He has become very self-conscious and timid. He doesn’t even speak much with others anymore. (Worried Mom)

Dear Worried Mom,

Stuttering is a common speech problem we see. Also, even those who do not have a chronic problem stammer words time to time. I cannot imagine the stress you son must be under. We understand the causes of developmental stuttering to be a combination of psychological, environmental and biological factors.

It is important to keep in mind that in order to help children who stutter, you must not pressure him to stop. It can lead to higher stress and anxiety and worsen the situation. For example, demands such as “speak slowly,” “stop stuttering,” or “repeat yourself” can make the child more aware and uncomfortable with his condition.

Early intervention is key to alleviating this speech disorder. There are ways parents can help at home. First, they can try to become good speech models; enunciate and use simple sentences. Second, listen closely to your children; it is crucial to encourage them to speak and express their thoughts and feelings. Spend time with them and show genuine attention.

Do not frown or show displeasure when your child stutters. This will make the child withdraw even more. Tell him or her stories or read books together. Taking these steps will bring noticeable changes. However, seek professional help if you don’t see any improvement.

I am a 32-year-old woman who has lost confidence after a series of relationship failures. Every time, I had to face disagreements from my parents; I am considering being set up through a matchmaker.

I am too worried about the choices I have to make. My parents and their friends tell me that I should marry someone who makes me feel at ease, someone who can be my best friend. Yet, others tell me that I will simple know when I see “the one.” I feel torn and confused. How should I approach this decision?

Dear Anonymous,

First and foremost, you must overcome the pain from your experiences. Let bygones be bygones. That way, you will regain not only confidence but respect for love.

Even if you are considering meeting someone through a matchmaker, you should still keep to certain principles of love and relationship. First do not feel rushed by your age. This can lead you to make decisions without a thorough review of your options.

Second, date before you commit. I think it’s best to get to know about the person for at least six months to decide if you are indeed compatible.

Lastly, I recommend that you go through at least one argument with the potential partner. I don’t mean you should cause tension for the sake of it, but even a small fight can reveal whether you two can overcome disagreements in constructive way. This ability is key to a happy marriage. I believe the above three steps can prevent many shortfalls that can lead to a disastrous union.

Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates the personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for Park to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 1588-4276.