Han writes about caring for mother
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“I Live With My Mother” by Han Ki-ho, a highly acclaimed literary critic and head of the Korean Publishing Marketing Research Institute; Senior Time Press; 13,000 won / Courtesy of Senior Time
Han Ki-ho
By Chung Ah-young
Korea is an aging society where the population 65 and older has tripled over the past 30 years. The nation faces many challenges to cope adequately with this social dilemma.
Taking care of aging parents is a daunting task, forcing children to make huge sacrifices and sometimes take on economic burdens.
Han Ki-ho, a highly acclaimed literary critic, renowned for cutting remarks and merciless criticism, reveals how he cared for his mother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, in his new book, “I Live With My Mother.”
Somewhat breaking away from his sharp reviews of literature and publications that have always been a guidepost for many readers and journalists, his book shows his warm side, along with various other inspiring books which are inseparable from his life.
The book — consisting of five chapters of nursing diaries that were compiled from his blog, which was posted over the past few years — focuses on his mother who moved into his house in 2009 when she was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s disease. Instead of sending his mother to an old people’s home, he chose to take care of her himself because his father had already died.
As the eldest of six brothers and sisters, Han writes about his six-year journey with his mother, whom he thought he had never really known.
He said choosing to live with his mother was one of the best decisions he made. “Over the last six years, I earned lots of wisdom from my mother,” he wrote. “As I started living with my mother, my life changed. I treat others like my mother, and my relations with people around me improved.”
The author tells of his bitter family history, about his father’s death and the breakup with his wife, and expresses his mixed feelings and emotions through excerpts from famous books.
His diaries tell of his schooldays, when his family suffered extreme poverty and his only pleasure was reading books. He worked as a private tutor to earn money during high school because his family could not afford to support him. His memory about his childhood is mostly about such poverty, which was also a source of disputes among the family until recently.
His mother is portrayed as a typical image of devotion by enduring all the hardships. Caring for his mother, he talks about trivial rediscoveries about her and his life while going shopping after work, preparing meals and cleaning the house.
His stories, however, do not seem devoted or beautified, but are full of frank talk about the daily lives of the struggling middle-aged man and his mother. He sometimes goes home very late after drinking and forgets to make a meal for his mother, who is fastidious when it comes to food.
His care for his mother is touching and intimate, but not far-fetched. His life seems tough, but he calmly writes about daily events and episodes.
Han sometimes hired a nursing assistant to take care of his mother when he went to work.
But the most important thing he tried to talk about is how much interaction with his mother greatly helped her state of health and mind. Han writes that he has become reacquainted with his mother by living with her.
Now she is well enough to do the house chores and has better memories than when she first came to him.
He cited the award-winning Austrian novelist Arno Geiger’s “The Old King in Exile,” which also detailed the author’s father’s years of suffering from dementia. Han might find something in common with Geiger in that his marriage also ended in divorce, setting his life adrift, while his focus shifted to the mother.
“I witnessed not only her loss of life, but also her recovery,” Han said. “The recovery is only possible from attention. If someone in your family just holds her hands, she never gives up her life.
“I thought we should deal with the elderly problem in earnest. This is not just my own problem but also everybody’s.”
He worked as an editor in the publishing industry for 15 years from 1982. He is now head of the Korean Publishing Marketing Research Institute.