Love lives of Hong Kong teens laid bare in survey

A survey found that among Hong Kong teenagers, 3.2 percent said they had their first relationship when they were nine years old or younger, 23 percent when they were 10 to 12 years old and 53 percent when they were aged 13 to 15. gettyimagesbank

By Phila Siu

One in four Hong Kong teenagers had their first relationship before the age of 13, and some were as young as nine, a new study has found.

Ahead of Valentine's Day, the Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups has released a survey of 3,068 students from secondary schools and tertiary education institutions, which found 30.1 per cent of children and young adults have had, or are in, a relationship.

Of those, 3.2 per cent said they had their first relationship when they were nine years old or younger; 22.9 per cent when they were 10 to 12 years old; 53 per cent when they were aged 13 to 15; 13.2 per cent when they were between 16 and 18; and the rest 19 or older. Some did not answer the question.

After a break-up, 50.6 per cent said they hid their emotions, while 15.5 per cent admitted self-harming as a result. One in 10 said they bad-mouthed their ex online.

“Parents told us that they really wanted to know if their children were in a relationship. But the children said they definitely would not tell their parents, because the parents would have forbidden that,” the youth group's social worker Lam Ah-kuen said.

Fung Ip-ki, from De La Salle Secondary School, alongside Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups workers Lam Ah-huen, and Ngai Mei-wah, with students Ivy Tam Wing-sze and Alex.

“Some parents have made it clear their children can only get into a relationship when they are at university.”

Lam said she knew of a case where a mother had followed her daughter after school to check if she had a boyfriend. Though the daughter left the school with a male classmate, he was not her boyfriend.

Fung Ip-ki, a teacher from De La Salle Secondary School in Sheung Shui, said nine-year-olds may not be able to distinguish between love and liking a person.

Fung said that because children need guidance from their parents, adults should not be shy about talking to them about relationships.

The survey also found that when teenagers go through a break-up, 15.1 per cent jump into another relationship as soon as possible, while only 36 per cent seek help from someone else.

The Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups released the results of its survey of the romantic relationships of the city's children and young adults. Photo from the South China Morning Post

Among those surveyed, 14.3 per cent said they argued with their other half once or twice a week, while 34.6 per cent did so between one and three times a month, underlying the need for them to learn how to get along with the opposite sex.

Recounting a story of young love, Lam said it could be a particularly difficult time for those concerned.

“There was a Form Three girl who lived in North district, and her boyfriend lived on Hong Kong Island. The boy was so clingy and required her to send him WhatsApp messages the moment she left school,” Lam said.

Ivy Tam Wing-sze, a third-year student at Shue Yan University, said she wanted her boyfriend to know what was on her mind even if she did not spell everything out.

“I have been with him for about a year,” she said. “In the beginning we argued about three times a month. Later on, it became around once every two months.

“I am not good at expressing my feelings. I hope I only have to say a few words and my boyfriend understands I am upset.”