'I still have hole in my heart I can't fill,' says founding member of Adopted Koreans Association

Anna Blades' "Floating with the River," which is part of her "Power of Life" painting series that was on display at the exhibition "Motherland" at the KADU Daedong Art Festival in Insa-dong, Seoul, from April to May. The exhibition featured artists born in Korea and adopted overseas and was also shown at the National Assembly. Courtesy of Anna Blades

Adoptees' group in Sweden provides sense of family to members

This article is the third in a series about intercountry adoptions. While over 160,000 Korean children have been adopted abroad since the 1950-53 Korean War, it is believed that many cases have infringed on relevant laws or violated children's right to know the truth about their filiation. The series will review such violations in transnational adoptions of Korean children and elsewhere, and discuss receiving countries' moves for their own investigations. This series is co-organized with Human Rights Beyond Borders. ― ED.

By Anna Blades

Anna Blades / Courtesy of Anna Blades

I was born in 1966 in the district of Gwangsan in Gwangju, and adopted to Stockholm, Sweden, when I was two years and four months old. The name given to me by the adoption agency was Kim Hak-bo, but I have no information about my biological parents or my background, so the first years of my life have been more or less erased.

Today, I live with my husband and youngest son in Nacka Strand, a suburb of Stockholm. We also have another son, a daughter and three grandchildren. As my adoptive parents were not very loving and often argued, my own family is very dear to me and represents a firm foundation that has given me a sense of security and belonging that I lacked during childhood.

My life in Sweden is very good, but I have always had an emptiness inside, like a black hole in my heart that I could never fill. Until I had children of my own, I was angry at my biological parents for sending me away. But when I became a parent myself, I understood that it must have been a very hard and difficult decision. So I have forgiven them. But feelings of sadness remain.

As an overseas adoptee, you lose your roots and sense of belonging, which makes you feel vulnerable. When I'm in Sweden, I look Korean, and when I'm in Korea, I feel Swedish. I feel great sorrow for the loss of Korean language and culture. Moreover, I think a large number of immigrants in Sweden in recent years have seen increased racism among the public, and adoptees are included even though we know only Sweden and Swedish culture. In this way, we suffer a type of double rootlessness and alienation ― not only from Korea but also from Sweden. Considering these difficulties, it's not a coincidence that in Sweden, adoptees are among the largest groups to suffer from mental illness.

Nowadays, with social media, posts about the Korean adoptee communities pop up in all kinds of Korea-related topics, such as Korean food or cooking, entertainment, cosmetics and language. It's much easier to find information about Korea and its culture. But when I was adopted, it was so difficult to find any information about overseas adoption or Korean culture as the internet wasn't available at that time. There were only a few books in the library. I couldn't ask my mom and dad because they didn't know anything about Korea, and I felt bad about discussing my biological parents with them. During one visit to the library, I learned about a Korean school at a civil hall in Stockholm. There, I met three adoptees.

We were young and curious at the time. We wanted to help others who were in the same situation and had questions about their background. There was a desire to exchange adoptee experiences and knowledge about Korea, thereby finding a missing part of ourselves. This friendship led us to establish Adopterade Koreaners Forening (AKF), the Adopted Koreans Association, in October 1986. Tragically, one of the co-founders passed away a couple of years after we formed AFK.

Anna Blades' "Never Look Back," which is part of her "Power of Life" series that was on display at the exhibition "Motherland" at the KADU Daedong Art Festival in Insa-dong, Seoul, from April to May. Courtesy of Anna Blades

When we started this association, we didn't know we would keep it going for more than 35 years, nor did we realize that AKF was the first transnational adoptee association in the world started by adoptees. When I reflect on how this model has spread across the globe with adoptee associations in nearly every country, I'm proud to be one of the four co-founders of AKF.

As AKF has grown, so has its purpose, mission and activities. In addition to social events, which remain the largest part of our work, we offer lectures on topics related to adoption, identity, Korean culture, origins and birth family search. AKF has also been one of the associations working with the recent government expert panel investigating thousands of foreign adoptions, including Korean adoptions.

Since 1953, there have been almost 10,000 adoptions from Korea to Sweden. Korean adoptees were the first and are the largest group of adoptees, and although the numbers have decreased, Sweden continues to receive children from Korea. Swedish society has a belief that its use of adoption saves children from poverty, and it was the encouragement and support from the state that enabled adoptive parents to adopt on such a scale.

We feel it will be hard to uncover the real explanation for the lack of oversight in our adoptions, as well as find those responsible, but we recognize that at least the government has concluded that adoptees' opinions must be heard. We noticed that the government seems to recognize the points we raise, but there is still a lot of work to be done. The investigation team has asked for extra time to spend on this matter. They have visited some sending countries, including Korea. Some of the political parties, who weren't willing to discuss such matters in the past, are now willing to talk with the adoptee communities and we held a seminar at the National Assembly of Sweden in May.

I hope all the adoptees will have the right to access their own background information and adoption records. We want a national archive where the papers are stored and a national department where we can find psychological support in adoption, free DNA testing, origin searching and abolishing the statute of limitations for charges against child abduction.

Today, AKF serves as an important forum for adoptees and acts as a bridge between our two worlds of Sweden and Korea. It represents a safe space where we can find understanding and a sense of belonging. Through our exchanges and support, we've developed life-long friendships, and some of us have even found our significant others. In other words, AKF has become more than an association; it's become a family, a family that some of us never had.

Anna Blades is one of the founders of the Adopterade Koreaners Forening (AKF) in Sweden. She is also an artist and she held an exhibition titled "Motherland" in Seoul in May together with 27 other adoptee artists.