Attack with instant noodles

The Korea Times

The Korea Times

Opinion

Michael Breen

Attack with instant noodles

Posted : 2011-03-03 16:32

Updated : 2011-03-03 16:32

North Korea issued two warnings last weekend. The first claimed this week’s military exercises in the South were a rehearsal for an invasion. It threatened ``merciless counteraction” to turn Seoul into a ``sea of flames.”

By Michael Breen

North Korea issued two warnings last weekend. The first claimed this week’s military exercises in the South were a rehearsal for an invasion. It threatened ``merciless counteraction” to turn Seoul into a ``sea of flames.”

South Koreans went, like, ooh-er, I’m so shaking in my UGGs. Why? Plagiarism. When the heroic PR team of the people’s army plays it safe by reproducing a classic, you know they’ve been told by General Too-many-medals to create an effect, (i.e., scare ‘em) rather than craft a warning.

The second, however, was different. It attached to the above generalities a specific complaint, a demand, and the consequences.

``We officially notify that our army will stage a direct fire at the Rimjin Pavilion (which is the source of) psychological warfare ... on the principle of self-defense, if such actions last despite our repeated warnings,” the official news agency reported, in reference to Imjingak (in South Korean romanization), the nearest point to Panmunjeom where civilians may go without a special pass and where human rights groups float balloons with anti-North leaflets and other items across the DMZ.

Although also a repeat, there’s reason to take this threat seriously. North Korea has done as much as it can off the west coast over the disputed border line without inviting heavy retaliation. It’s time to switch themes.

The activists’ balloons have irked the dictatorship for some time. But now the South’s democratic government has joined them, resuming propaganda against North Korea after a long hiatus. This has taken the form of balloons containing instant food, toiletries, gloves, and news reports about the overthrow of North African dictatorships.

These packages are not only thoughtful and interesting. They frighten the dictatorship like a gust of wind up its skirts.

``(This) is a treacherous deed and a wanton challenge to the demand of the times and desire of all the fellow countrymen to bring about a new phase … through all-round dialogue and negotiations,” a North Korean military official shrieked according to the (North) Korean Central News Agency.

We should take note. Not every northern threat gets carried out, but those which do usually come with advance warning that gets forgotten in the outrage that follows. Thus we hear again and again of the unpredictable communists provoking us for some dimly perceived motive.

But here, they’ve said it. Those instant noodles and reports about Gadhafi are seen in Pyongyang the way that torpedoes and shells are here in Seoul.

If this is the case then, should we halt the balloon service so that the North doesn’t hit our loudspeakers on the DMZ and possibly hurt some soldiers?

No. That is not my point. There comes a time when you share a peninsula with someone who is bipolar that you not only have to create boundaries to protect yourself, but you also need to let off steam by deliberately getting them worked up.

Actually, I’m kidding. On a more serious note, if anyone is reading this in Pyongyang, the plan is unfolding before your eyes. You are going down. Consider the instant noodles like Christian missionaries, softening up the people. Soon, when your generals order battle stations, the soldiers will say, ``But, sir, I haven’t finished my meat goulash, made by Ottogi for the people with fresh meat, onions, potatoes, carrots, peas with ripe tomatoes, and hot flavored spices which combine to create the rich taste.”

That’s when our soldiers will come for you. Why, they’re practicing right now.

Michael Breen is an author, former foreign correspondent and the chairman of Insight Communications, a public relations consulting company. He can be reached at mike.breen@insightcomms.com.