If I Were a Woman for a Day

The Korea Times

The Korea Times

Opinion

Michael Breen

If I Were a Woman for a Day

Posted : 2010-04-15 17:38

Updated : 2010-04-15 17:38

By Michael Breen

Most books and movies revolve around the question that starts with, ``What if?" The movie Avatar, for example, is based on the premise, ``What if it were possible to transfer a person's consciousness to another body?"

In the movie, the hero starts off as a spy but ends up fighting for an alien tribe being exploited by humans. The dramatized answer in the movie, then, is that being an avatar would expose us to a different perspective in a life-changing way. By more fully empathizing with others, we will be able to more clearly distinguish good and bad and do the right thing.

But is that how it would be in real life?

Consider, for example, what would surely be the most popular ``trip" if ``avatourism" were possible ― men wanting to spend a day as a woman. For me it would be two trips for the price of one ― as a woman and, because I live in Seoul and would use the Korea Avatar Tourism Company (KATCO), as a Korean.

So, what is the first thing I would do if I woke up in the body of a beautiful Korean woman? I guess I would do what any man would do and ogle myself in the mirror… Oh, is that a little cellulite there? See? I'm thinking like a woman already.

Then, I would get back into bed with myself. After a few minutes, though, I'm sure the excitement would wear off. Desire and possession, after all, are distinct experiences. A man may want a beautiful woman for himself, but being one is a different matter.

Email me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing that any man who is a woman for a day would be shocked by the thoughts pounding through his/her mind. When a man gets up in the morning, he immediately thinks about work. A woman, though, has other things on her mind. A female feng-shui expert who specializes in "de-cluttering" houses and offices once told me researchers had found that a woman on average has 100 negative thoughts from the moment she wakes up until she leaves the house for work.

These start when she looks at her face. Even super-models think they're ugly. The clothes cupboard is another trigger of bad thoughts. The messier it is, the greater the irritation. Even a bookshelf can cause daily guilt. By the time, he's dressed and out the house, our man-in-a-woman's body feels like he's already had a stressful day.

Now, what in this experience would be especially Korean? What cross-cultural lessons could I learn?

A Korean-American therapist told me recently that the distinguishing feature of Korean women is that they're depressed. All of them? Yes, he said, all. The story in these pages this week that four out of 10 actors here have had suicidal urges explains the nature of the pressure on people in modern Korean society. So, men, as a woman for a day, after a breakfast of negative thoughts, prepare for a gloomy day.

One Korean woman, educated overseas told me that women raised here enjoy their depression. I'm not sure how insightful this is, or whether it's a cynical observation from an outsider, but she said there is a certain pay-off in remaining depressed. ``They indulge their problems," she said. ``Problems excite them, make them feel more interesting and dramatic." In other words, there's meaning and comfort in the long stares into space in the coffee shop and texting-bombardments to boyfriends.

And that leads me to where my avatar would run into its biggest problem ― men. I will know what they're thinking. When I see a woman having a teary moment in public with a boyfriend, I know that behind that look of sympathetic concern, he's actually thinking about Manchester United. If not that, he's probably sneaking a look at an attractive woman at another table.

Men, you see, are simple creatures with animal instincts. When they're not changing the world, or sleeping, they like to procreate. The predator within them seeks submission in women. But when there's conflict that they can't win, such as the yelling girlfriend, the instinct is flight.

In my Korean female avatar, I may be learning about women. But that doesn't mean I will forget what it's like to be a man.

And that would lead me to the most important lesson of the trip in a woman's body. It would not be empathy. It would be the solid knowledge that I am a lesbian …. But, then, isn't that what all men are?

Michael Breen is an author, former foreign correspondent and the chairman of Insight Communications, a public relations consulting company. He can be reached at mike.breen@insightcomms.com.