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It had been a tremendous vacation: A relaxed week in France with family, then another week in the UK with friends. The weather has been fine, the food excellent, the company convivial ― just the kind of thing to loosen the body, relax the mind and fortify the soul.
The trip back, however, was grueling. Eleven painful hours cramped into yogic contortions among the cattle at the back of the plane. Foul slop to eat. And a dull film selection.
Having just turned 50, I realize now that I am an increasingly doddering, dribbling old curmudgeon. So I was looking forward to getting out of the airport and back to my welcome bed at home.
Alas, it was not to be. After exiting the airplane I strolled on the moving walkway through to immigration ― where my mouth fell open. There, before me, at the foreign passports queues seethed a mighty mass of humanity. Three planeloads of tourists were being processed by three - three! - immigration windows.
Everybody had just gotten off uncomfortable flights, and most were heavily laden with duty free plunder. There were a lot of fed up and unhappy faces as the lines moved slowly ― ever so slowly ― forward to where a stressed-looking young lady in hanbok was pointing the passengers to the appropriate lines in front of the booths.
Long story short: I joined the queue at 14:31. I passed through immigration ― oh, joy! ― at 15:55. For me that beats the record hour I once suffered standing in similar queues at New York's JFK Airport.
Adding insult to injury were the LED screens next to the immigration booths, presumably designed to entertain or inform the waiting passengers. They were running promotional films promoting Incheon International Airport as the world's best. Fair enough. It is a fine facility and has won international awards a-plenty.
More problematically, they were also showing promotional messages for the Korean Immigration Service, proclaiming it "world's best" and "fast and convenient."
I have a couple of suggestions for the geniuses who run the immigration service in this brave nation.
Firstly, don't proudly proclaim "fast and convenient service" when it is very obvious to those suffering in endless lines that it is neither.
Secondly, have you not noticed that there is a youth unemployment problem in Korea? If you are understaffed, hire more people ― either full-time, or part-time for the summer season! Do this and you can win a triple whammy. You assist your nation with its perennial unemployment issue; you ease the pains of international visitors; and by doing the latter, you thereby improve the national image.
The situation strikes me as being emblematic of the hardware/software mismatch one often stumbles across in Korea. A few examples? Sure.
This nation has superb physical infrastructure: The roads, highways and bridges are world-class. But as soon as you start driving, you discover that the driving manners are appalling.
Korea's Internet backbone is best-of-breed, possibly the world's best. But a huge amount of content is censored, and if you actually want to purchase anything online, you have to jump through endless bureaucratic/financial hoops before you can start using your credit card.
Korean conglomerates are some of the world's leading brands, churning out superb products, well distributed, marketed and priced. But take a closer look, and their governance is shabby and their business ethics shoddy.
And so on and so forth.
The long immigration queues in the foreign passport lines really can be a disincentive to travel. Rather like leaving Seoul for a weekend in Gyeonggi Province, you know that, even if you have a splendid time in the countryside, driving back to Seoul on Sunday afternoon/evening is going to be a nightmare.
Koreans are great travelers and increasing numbers of foreign tourists are coming to Korea. (Note to immigration authorities: A mere 6 percent of Chinese have passports. There are going to be a hell of a lot more Chinese visitors in the years to come…) Don't torture them with long, laborious waits: It does not inculcate a positive first image of Korea.
This is a problem, but it is one that is very easy to fix.
Andrew Salmon is a Seoul-based reporter and author. Reach him at andrewcsalmon@yahoo.co.uk.