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Probably the second worst question was from a South Korean high school student who asked in all seriousness why, if North Koreans were starving, they didn't just call Pizza Hut to have some food delivered.
I've heard experts ask inane curiosity questions, such as, "What's better, North or South Korean beer?" Others ignore the context of North Korea, such as Western sympathizers of the NK regime extolling North Korean airplanes but ignoring that most North Koreans rarely ride on an airplane until they are flown to South Korea after risking their lives to escape.
There are some other questions that I have considered banning at events with North Korean refugee speakers. One is when questioners want to ask about a refugee's family. Some questioners seem to be hanging on the edge of the seats, watching the cliffhanger of their favorite soap opera, waiting to see if the family of this North Korean refugee is okay. They get the answer, then move on after the session as if nothing had happened. Some refugees start to cry as they discuss specifics about their families, reliving painful memories, others say people don't realize how much such questions hurt them.
I don't get angry, I remember that Q&A is like having a picnic and getting shocked when ants show up. Some people don't like it when I discourage questions about families. They don't like my explanation, either: Some refugees lie when people ask specifics in a public forum about their family members still in North Korea who may be in danger if too much truth gets told. Their lives aren't soap operas with the only consequences being low ratings. Many refugees have ongoing situations, with real lives at stake that don't get to return the next TV season when a mistake is made.
Refugees unskilled at telling reporters to buzz off stumble about as they try not to reveal details about their families. I tell refugees before they have interviews: To a reporter, there is no such thing as a bad question, so you need to know responses such as "no comment" or "telling you that can put my family in danger."
Earlier this year when a North Korean refugee returned to North Korea, there was a sudden flood of sophomoric analysis about why a North Korean refugee would ever want to return to North Korea. Some of the people talking sounded as informed as the high school student wondering why North Koreans don't call Pizza Hut to get food.
I was quoted by CNN and numerous websites telling people to be slow in coming to conclusions about refugees returning to North Korea. One, North Koreans with family still in North Korea are in hostage situations, so their actions should be viewed within that context. Two, not everyone who escapes from North Korea wanted to do so. Many follow parents, a spouse, or other loved ones.
That goes against simplistic media narratives about refugees, but it is also part of the story. I got a painful reminder of this last week when I was on a Skype call with a North Korean refugee (he's using the alias "Lee") whose wife and son were captured in China on November 4. His family was trying to escape to South Korea along with eight other North Korean escapees.
Lee escaped first in 2015, saying he was prepared to take poison rather than be returned to North Korea. His wife, reluctant to try to escape, finally agreed to come earlier this year. He broke down crying several times during the interview, reluctantly talking to media because he doesn't want his family to be quietly returned to North Korea where they face torture and/or execution. His captured family was trying to join him in South Korea, making them enemies of the regime. China knows this, but North Korean refugees are insects on the Chinese government's car windshield, to be wiped away as if they never existed.
A few years from now, Lee might want to talk about the reality of North Korea, at which point he might be asked the worst question of all that is so common at events and discussions with North Korean refugees: "What do you miss about North Korea?" What can a man who has been robbed of his family say? Or other North Korean refugees who have lost family members and loved ones to the regime's killing machine? "What do you miss about North Korea?" is the point at which both the ignorant and overeducated experts prove there really is such a thing as a bad question.
Casey Lartigue Jr. (CJL@alumni.harvard.edu.) is co-founder of the Teach North Korean Refugees Global Education Center (TNKR).