North Korean defectors: 'Please, don't ask me about…' (Part 2)

North Korean refugees joining TNKR select donated English language books. Courtesy of Casey Lartigue Jr.

Part 1 is here.

Please don't ask me about…

Yumi, female, escaped North Korea in 2015, arrived in South Korea in 2019

I don't want to talk about North Korea. When people ask, I just avoid answering. South Koreans see North Koreans as poor, starving, beggars. That makes me feel sad, then when I hear South Koreans talk about North Korea like that, then I don't want to reveal that I am from there.

Jeakyung, female, escaped North Korea in 2012, arrived in South Korea in 2017

I don't want the tutors to ask about my personal story. I am from Pyongyang and my parents were really high level. For that reason, I didn't go through Hanawon and I avoid hanging out with other refugees. I suspect some of them might feel uncomfortable if they know about my background, so it is a bit uncomfortable for me to reveal such information. When I meet South Koreans, some of them know almost nothing about North Korea, I have even talked to some who didn't know who Kim Jong-Un is. In that case, I didn't want to answer their questions, because I am guessing they won't really understand what I am saying and might misquote my words. Instead, I recommend that they do some reading, then we can talk later.

Hanna, female, escaped North Korea in 2016, arrived in South Korea in 2017

As soon as people learn that I am from North Korea, I am so sure they will start asking me about my hometown and family. I really wish I could avoid this. They don't understand North Korea, so their questions will be just superficial and they seem to be judging me as they are asking. Also, I hate it when people ask me why North Koreans can't organize a revolution against the leaders. It is difficult to explain or analyze something like that briefly, but it seems that most people just want a short, quick explanation.

Eun-ah, female, escaped North Korea in 2017, arrived in South Korea in 2017

In the past, I was okay with answering questions, but these days I decline. I have learned that people don't distinguish between the leaders of North Korea and the people. When I answered, people would then see me as a spokesperson for North Korea. President Moon keeps trying to send aid to North Korea, but it should be clear that he would be sending aid to the North Korean government, not to the people.

Seung-bi, female, escaped North Korea in 2003, arrived in South Korea in 2005

I was okay with questions, but these days I have lost the energy to answer. It doesn't seem that people really listen. From what I have observed, when I answer, South Koreans ignore me until I say something that fits with what they already know about North Korea. It is similar to my experiences with intellectuals and experts; they don't listen, they have no tolerance for new faces. There are few North Korean refugees accepted as experts. At most conferences hosted by South Koreans, there are rarely any North Korean experts. It seems they don't want to listen to contradictory viewpoints that might challenge the mainstream of what South Koreans believe. Sometimes I would like to give my input, but it seems it doesn't really matter, so I just listen.

It is okay to ask me questions

Jimin, male, escaped from North Korea in 2017, arrived in South Korea in 2017

I am okay with any questions. I can listen, but if I don't want to answer, then I don't. I guess the point that I want to make to people is that North Korea has changed. North Korea from 15 years ago is different from North Korea today. People still talk about North Korea like everyone is starving and in poverty. Some places have changed a lot. But I'm not sure that people are ready to hear that.

Jiyoung, female, escaped North Korea in 2010, arrived in South Korea in 2015

There aren't any particular questions that I am bothered by, but I do wish that people would not look at refugees through the lens of the media. It seems when I meet people, once they learn that I am from North Korea, they are trying to fit me into categories. I wish they could just look at me as a person who happens to be from North Korea, and not start asking me about stories about North Korea in the news. I am from there, but I left, and I am happy to have left, and I am not interested in talking about it. Also, I don't know why people are so eager to introduce me to other North Korean refugees. I think they don't know how easy it is for me to meet other North Korean refugees.

Minhee, female, escaped North Korea in 2015, arrived in South Korea in 2016

Sometimes I am on TV. The question that I really hate is when people ask me: "If your family is in North Korea, then why are you on TV?" If everyone with family in North Korea avoided speaking out, then who could do it? Even if immediate family members escape, you still have cousins and relatives they can target. I am okay with questions, it is necessary for some people to speak out. If I could change one thing, it would be for people to stop looking at North Korea as a normal country. It is not normal and it won't change soon. Some people think it has changed because of some diplomatic moves, but internally, it has not changed. Because we live in a normal country here in South Korea, some people expect North Korea to be normal to have bureaucracies responding to people, to change their leaders every few years. I was in North Korea until four years ago, I am amazed to learn about all of the changes that people think have gone on, but haven't.

Hayeon, female, escaped North Korea in 2006, arrived in South Korea in 2011

I can talk about anything to do with North Korea, even my hometown. I escaped, had some plastic surgery, changed my name, so I am a free woman. I am okay with it, but on the other hand, I still feel it is more comfortable to hide my identity. Once South Koreans learn that I am from North Korea, I can feel they are judging me. That was really true after I arrived, when my accent was stronger. I can still see how quickly so many South Koreans will judge North Korean refugees based on accent, where we are from, misconceptions they have heard. I wish they would be more patient, don't judge North Koreans before they have had a chance to adjust and get used to being in freedom. I think then that more North Korean refugees would feel more welcome to answer questions.

The comments were collected by Casey Lartigue Jr., co-founder of the Teach North Korean Refugees Global Education Center. Lartigue was the 2017 winner of the "Social Contribution" Prize from the Hansarang Rural Cultural Foundation and was recently named the 2019 winner of a "Challenge Maker" Award from Challenge Korea. TNKR co-founder Eunkoo Lee translated the refugees' remarks from Korean to English.