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According to recent reports, a brouhaha is brewing over whether the nation's ajumma (matrons) and ajosshi (married blokes) should tour European capitals sporting the garish Alpine gear that is de rigeur for this demographic. Indignant netizens apparently believe such fashion sense is laughable, inappropriate and downright disrespectful in Europe's sophisticated streets and plazas.
In case you have not noticed ― i.e. if you are color blind and/or have never hiked in Korea ― mountaineering haute couture is the leisure uniform of choice for locals in the 50+ age group. You know what I mean: The lycra trousers! The Gore-tex storm jacket! The special forces rucksack! The Alpine shades! The Himalayan boots!
All this gear must be dripping in ostentatious zippers, draw cords and brand labels. Coloration is critical. It is not low-key ― no, sir! You need to be wearing yellow, orange, purple and day-glo pink ― or, if you are really on the cutting edge, all those colors at once. For added kudos, you can wear them with your partner in a natty "his ‘n her" couple combo. (Coloration may explain why so many hikers wear shades: They have to, to tone down the incendiary visual blast of the outfits.)
I grant you, this style is problematic for three reasons.
First: Alpine-elite gear looks entirely appropriate adorning the Spartan physiques of adventurers defying blinding blizzards, lethal avalanches and man-eating Yeti to conquer harsh Himalayan peaks. It looks less appropriate adorning the "comfortable" bods of raucous middle-aged gangs who ride the subway out to a low hill, take a genteel hike up a concrete path to the summit then indulge in boozy picnics. OK, I will be blunt: It looks ridiculous.
Second, when urbanites enter nature they (generally) do so for exercise, clean air and fine views. I prefer my views of natural scenery to be in natural coloration - unsullied by blinding centipedes of hikers blazing along the trails in clothing of the most invasive coloration.
Third, I agree that hordes of ajumma and ajjoshi storming through the museum, theater and fashion districts of Paris, London and Rome attired for an apparently imminent assault on the summit of K2 are fertile fodder for guffaws.
Hang on, though. We all enjoy a chuckle, right? And most international fashion is equally, if not more ridiculous.
When was the last time you spotted an obese slob waddling along in a pair of sneakers designed for an elite athlete? How about those well-heeled fashionistas who don pre-torn jeans to capture the daring "street" cachet of the blue-collar classes?
Speaking of well-heeled: Whose lunatic idea was the high heel? Not since Chinese foot-binding have so many female feet been subject to such abuse. Why do young fellows wear trousers so tight that they apply dangerous and painful pressure to their reproductive organs?
Finally: Would some well-tailored soul kindly explain to me: What, exactly, is the purpose of a necktie?
I could go on ― but won't.
Compared to this, Alpine leisure wear looks downright sensible. It offers comfort and durability, while those endless zippered pockets enable easy carriage of guidebooks, maps, digital devices, emergency gimbap supplies, etc.
Moreover, it has a safety benefit. If Auntie Kim gets swept away in a crowd outside a London theater or a Milanese boutique, it is easy for her tour leader to track her down. All he/she has to do is find high ground, then zoom in on the most garish dresser: The outfit is a beacon.
And Alpine gear is no more "disrespectful" than the look sported by global youth every summer: wince-inducing body piercings, risqué t-shirt slogans and titillating offerings of bare flesh.
Granted, the expense of pro-standard Alpine gear is exorbitant for those not engaged in pro-Alpinism. But likewise, athletic footwear is a totally unnecessary expense for most athletic footwear wearers. And who, in human history, has needed a silk necktie or a pierced nipple? Nobody I ever heard of.
In sum, few fashion items have much grounding in sense or sensibility. Most are overpriced, over-designed and unnecessary vanities.
But so what? We live in a consumer culture. As long as they are not offending public decency (that's another can of worms) people in any democracy founded on the rights of the individual should be welcome to dress as they wish. Fashion police stalk today's North Korea, but the days of scowling busybodies checking the hair and skirt lengths of South Koreans, are (thankfully) long gone.
If Korean ajumma and ajosshi want to wear garish hiking gear on European vacations, I say: Why not?
It is the wannabe fashion police and arbiters of cool who need to take a hike - and they can do so wearing whatever they damn well please.
Andrew Salmon is a Seoul-based reporter and author. Reach him at andrewcsalmon@yahoo.co.uk.
