By Bernard Rowan
One of the things I miss these days about Korea is the opportunity to make friends. I've made a few friends in Korea over the years and admired how this often occurs. As a young man, I was what people typically call shy or reserved ― polite is the better word. I did not often seek but waited to "break the ice." This behavior was at times off-putting to others.
However, with my Korean friends, as a graduate student and young adult, I made acquaintances much more easily because of what I'd call the Korean means of cultivating friendship. Others refer to "networks" and to circles of friends. At this time of Thanksgiving, I wanted to share some thoughts about how many Koreans make friends over a lifetime. I admire how one can make friends in Korea as a foreigner and a person with several Korean friends.
Beginning with school, in particular high school and college, but also arising from neighborhood and community living, Korean children learn the bonds of a junior to seniors, and vice versa. Seniors, modeled to some extent on an older sibling, have duties to juniors. Juniors have duties in turn. The bond is not about benefits or "what pays." It stems from affinity through shared experience. Attending the same school, going to university together and joining a workplace are related contexts. Koreans form networks of friends in society through the ties of seniors and juniors. Many last a lifetime.
Some criticize friendship networks as exclusive or excluding others. This may occur in any society of two or more people. It's not a necessary quality of friendships in groups either. I found that as a foreigner I could access more and varied circles thanm saym someone who graduated from Korea University or Seoul National or Yonsei.
Confucian thinking informs the networks of seniors and juniors in Korean friendship. It builds on the idea that people should help each other's development. And while it has an edge in that seniors help or aid juniors and receive respect and gratitude in turn, it isn't unidirectional. I know that Korean networks involve a reciprocity in giving and receiving roles. Juniors may in certain contexts lead, not just follow ― though that is not the typical or general idea.
Overall, the idea of helping others within the circle is what counts. One doesn't treat a junior as one wouldn't wish a senior to treat oneself. The opposite also is true: juniors shouldn't treat seniors as they wouldn't want juniors to treat them. Mutual respect in self-development and avoidance of scapegoating characterizes Korean friendship and friendship networks.
When Korean friends gather, it's often not going to be about two people or three. The circle or group usually involves a meal, drinking, singing or other activity. It's hard to remain silent when in the company of Koreans in these intimate and usually fun moments. The way the circle or network exists depends on and encourages active friendship, talking, enjoying time with others, and sharing ideas, dreams and opinions together.
When I look back at my times in Korea and my graduate school and adulthood experiences with Korean friends, I continue to see the presence of Korean friendship networks. There is some competition or even rivalry, but these circles form life-developing and success-promoting experiences that give life greater security and happiness for the groups of friends.
I have enjoyed learning about Korea through intersecting friendship networks with several Koreans. I think many Koreans today find friendship networks limiting and look to rid themselves of their norms and expectations. I don't think this needs to be the case. The same possibilities of friendship characterize fraternities and sororities, clubs and any number of analogues to Korean friendship networks.
I'm thankful for learning something about the Korean way of creating many friendships. It has made a positive impact in my life, and one I'm grateful for today.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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However, with my Korean friends, as a graduate student and young adult, I made acquaintances much more easily because of what I'd call the Korean means of cultivating friendship. Others refer to "networks" and to circles of friends. At this time of Thanksgiving, I wanted to share some thoughts about how many Koreans make friends over a lifetime. I admire how one can make friends in Korea as a foreigner and a person with several Korean friends.
Beginning with school, in particular high school and college, but also arising from neighborhood and community living, Korean children learn the bonds of a junior to seniors, and vice versa. Seniors, modeled to some extent on an older sibling, have duties to juniors. Juniors have duties in turn. The bond is not about benefits or "what pays." It stems from affinity through shared experience. Attending the same school, going to university together and joining a workplace are related contexts. Koreans form networks of friends in society through the ties of seniors and juniors. Many last a lifetime.
Some criticize friendship networks as exclusive or excluding others. This may occur in any society of two or more people. It's not a necessary quality of friendships in groups either. I found that as a foreigner I could access more and varied circles thanm saym someone who graduated from Korea University or Seoul National or Yonsei.
Confucian thinking informs the networks of seniors and juniors in Korean friendship. It builds on the idea that people should help each other's development. And while it has an edge in that seniors help or aid juniors and receive respect and gratitude in turn, it isn't unidirectional. I know that Korean networks involve a reciprocity in giving and receiving roles. Juniors may in certain contexts lead, not just follow ― though that is not the typical or general idea.
Overall, the idea of helping others within the circle is what counts. One doesn't treat a junior as one wouldn't wish a senior to treat oneself. The opposite also is true: juniors shouldn't treat seniors as they wouldn't want juniors to treat them. Mutual respect in self-development and avoidance of scapegoating characterizes Korean friendship and friendship networks.
When Korean friends gather, it's often not going to be about two people or three. The circle or group usually involves a meal, drinking, singing or other activity. It's hard to remain silent when in the company of Koreans in these intimate and usually fun moments. The way the circle or network exists depends on and encourages active friendship, talking, enjoying time with others, and sharing ideas, dreams and opinions together.
When I look back at my times in Korea and my graduate school and adulthood experiences with Korean friends, I continue to see the presence of Korean friendship networks. There is some competition or even rivalry, but these circles form life-developing and success-promoting experiences that give life greater security and happiness for the groups of friends.
I have enjoyed learning about Korea through intersecting friendship networks with several Koreans. I think many Koreans today find friendship networks limiting and look to rid themselves of their norms and expectations. I don't think this needs to be the case. The same possibilities of friendship characterize fraternities and sororities, clubs and any number of analogues to Korean friendship networks.
I'm thankful for learning something about the Korean way of creating many friendships. It has made a positive impact in my life, and one I'm grateful for today.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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