Being American

"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time." ― James Baldwin

By Deauwand Myers

I was born out of time. Or I was born out of place. Human behavior has always dismayed and fascinated me. The odd way our species treats other human beings. The casual brutality.

I think James Baldwin is correct, but I will add to be human is to be at a constant state of rage. Even a cursory understanding of human history shows our many failings: the endless wars; genocide; slavery. We find new and more lethal ways of killing and maiming each other ― I give you the nuclear bomb.

Now, as a lot of Americans who live abroad have experienced, we are confronted with explaining ourselves to others. After all, democracies deserve the governments they get, and U.S. President Donald Trump, as I said before, is a distillation of white supremacy and patriarchy.

And secretly, not so secretly, the rest of the world always knew. They knew our "shining city on a hill," as Reagan, another racist, put it, was always an unrealized ideal.

The American empire was predicated on what most empires are predicated on: violence, mass murder, and racial/religious intolerance. White folks needed to make up the lie that they were superior and colored people were inferior, with no evidence to base this claim upon.

But through white supremacy, the bounty of our blood-soaked earth gave way to make the United States the richest, most powerful nation in human history.

But the price for wealth and power has been rather constant: death. Though no saint, President Obama did present a kind of renunciation of white supremacy. Alas, Trump is the white lash of that renunciation.

Koreans and Japanese always fascinate me with their odd attraction toward America and their concurrent revulsion of it. They see it as some ideal of New York City (an overrated city) and the Big Brother. It's more complicated than that.

But here is what I know. In 30 years, Korea has achieved what it took America a century to do. Moreover, both Korea and Japan achieved relative prosperity and universal healthcare, while America lags woefully behind.

Life expectancy, infant mortality and child birth mortality rates, literacy, crime, and basic understanding of history are all by factors of 10 worse in America than in Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, Australia, Canada, and most of Western Europe.

We cannot eat nuclear weapons. The cold metal of vast and gleaming warships cannot educate us. But white men do love their metal and guns.

But please let me dislodge you; there are, some of us, set apart. My mother is not racist. My father does not think Muslims are an existential threat. Vast swaths of Americans do not believe in the many horrors visited upon us; nor subscribe to the supremacy of America or any one race.

I also want to say the world is partly to blame for this. They, you, I mean Koreans and Japanese and Europeans, etc., bought into the fantasy of American supremacy. It was always a lie.

The blood of World War II is not the blood of Jesus. It doesn't cover a multitude of sins. The former Soviet Union lost more people in that particular conflagration than any other country.

America said it's the best. And you believed. America said that white is right, and you believed that too.

Now, the cancer of empire-building, war, genocide, and white supremacy has finally claimed its host. No longer shall we survive as we have before.

I'm not ashamed to be an American. I'm appalled at how little we've accomplished and how evil we truly can be. Many historians have said this would be our fate. Think of it. America has been in more wars than any country in human history.

We have had less than 20 years of peace since America's founding. Our massive military-industrial complex has siphoned away money from things like infrastructure and universal healthcare and inexpensive education. And for what?

It would be one thing if Anglo-American hegemony brought great dividends to the world: peace; a better environment; decent internet. It has not.

It could be that the human species is irretrievably violent and flawed. This is one of the Christian principles I actually concur with. The evidence is clear. The problem then becomes when these particular humans have at their disposal great power and armies and weapons to destroy the world many times over.

Usually, I am a proud American. I am. But at this moment, forgive me if I am not.

Deauwand Myers (deauwand@hotmail.com) holds a master's degree in English literature and literary theory, and is an English professor outside Seoul.

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