By Jason Lim
Imagine you were poor and hungry, growing up in a backward rural village. One day, there was this nouveau riche family who came from a far-away city, bullying and abusing everyone in the village on the back of their power and connections. In collusion with authorities, they would confiscate the land, raze everything in the name of development, treat everyone like slaves and terrorize with impunity.
Especially notorious was their spoiled brat, who made it his daily business to bully and abuse other kids, especially you. Not a day went by that he did not seek you out to humiliate, curse, and beat you up. He got his father to kick your dad off his land and your sister from the school. You wished him dead countless times. It was not just the physical pain, it was the injustice of it all; and your helplessness in the face of it.
Time passed. You left the village to look for opportunities. Through hard work, luck and the kindness of people, you became fairly wealthy and respected. Then, one day, you run into a familiar face. It is the bully boy from your youth, the one who made your life a living hell. What do you do? How would you react?
Well, that depends.
If the bully is now an aging server at a restaurant, how would you feel?
If the bully is now a shoe shiner bending low over your expensive shoes with a dirty rag, how would you react?
If the bully is on his deathbed, stricken with cancer, how would you feel?
On the other hand, if the bully is the head of a large corporation that you have to work with for the future of your business, how would you act?
Even worse, if the bully is now a powerful man in the government, with the authority to torpedo your well-earned success, how would you feel then?
I pose these scenarios to make the point that how you deal with your past abuser will necessarily depend on the relative circumstances that you find yourself in now.
If you are in a superior position, then you would find it easier to ignore _ if not forgive _ the bully's past transgressions and move on; in such a case, the bully becomes a passing figment of a painful past with no power to affect your present and future happiness. Let us even say the bully recognizes you and says hurtful things about the past _ how he did nothing wrong and that he even helped you by throwing you scraps of food when you were hungry. But nothing he says or does has the power to touch you anymore. He is insignificant. You are indifferent to him. He is no longer in your frame of reference.
However, if the bully still can somehow exert influence in your life, then he looms larger than ever. The past comes roaring back as if it has never left. You will not be satisfied until he offers an apology. And when he suggests, with infuriating nonchalance and non-repentance, that you should let bygones be bygones, you seethe with unspent rage and burn with injustice. You refuse to speak with the bully or work with him, even though everything that you worked to achieve could depend on your future partnership. In this case, you are still stuck in the frame of reference that the bully built around you so many years ago.
Strangely enough, these are the thoughts that came to me when I heard about what Park Geun-ryoung, President Park Geun-hye's youngster sister, said on a Japanese TV show about how Korea's Japan-bashing is too much and that the Japanese leaders have the right to visit the Yasukuni Shrine to honor their war dead. Reading through the predictably outraged comments by Korean netizens, I suddenly found myself asking, "Why should Korea allow herself to still be defined by what Japan did almost 100 years ago? Why should the victim have to beg the abuser for an apology to feel whole again? Why cannot Korea move on from this frame of reference that's she has grown out of?"
Unless she has not. Unless Korea still does not feel confident and whole enough when it comes to Japan. There is a deep vein of insecurity that runs through the Korean psyche when it comes to Japan that expresses itself as vocal resentment whenever these issues come up. It is almost as if Japan is still the bogeyman. It is an overreaction that prevents constructive dialogue for a better future for both parties.
Perhaps it is because Korea itself is an anachronism. Look at the lingering division of the Korean Peninsula; if a unified Korea became a country as powerful and prosperous as the U.K or France, would we still get so worked up about Japan in this way?
I have no intention of making light of the suffering of the victims of Japan's imperialism, or dismissing Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's infuriating attempts at revisionism. However, I think that Korea has achieved enough, grown enough, and matured enough as a nation and people to begin moving beyond Japan. And that would ultimately be better for the peaceful, prosperous future of the region.
Jason Lim is a Washington, D.C.-based expert on innovation, leadership and organizational culture. He has been writing for The Korea Times since 2006. He can be reached at jasonlim@msn.com, facebook. com/jasonlimkoreatimes and @jasonlim2012.
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Especially notorious was their spoiled brat, who made it his daily business to bully and abuse other kids, especially you. Not a day went by that he did not seek you out to humiliate, curse, and beat you up. He got his father to kick your dad off his land and your sister from the school. You wished him dead countless times. It was not just the physical pain, it was the injustice of it all; and your helplessness in the face of it.
Time passed. You left the village to look for opportunities. Through hard work, luck and the kindness of people, you became fairly wealthy and respected. Then, one day, you run into a familiar face. It is the bully boy from your youth, the one who made your life a living hell. What do you do? How would you react?
Well, that depends.
If the bully is now an aging server at a restaurant, how would you feel?
If the bully is now a shoe shiner bending low over your expensive shoes with a dirty rag, how would you react?
If the bully is on his deathbed, stricken with cancer, how would you feel?
On the other hand, if the bully is the head of a large corporation that you have to work with for the future of your business, how would you act?
Even worse, if the bully is now a powerful man in the government, with the authority to torpedo your well-earned success, how would you feel then?
I pose these scenarios to make the point that how you deal with your past abuser will necessarily depend on the relative circumstances that you find yourself in now.
If you are in a superior position, then you would find it easier to ignore _ if not forgive _ the bully's past transgressions and move on; in such a case, the bully becomes a passing figment of a painful past with no power to affect your present and future happiness. Let us even say the bully recognizes you and says hurtful things about the past _ how he did nothing wrong and that he even helped you by throwing you scraps of food when you were hungry. But nothing he says or does has the power to touch you anymore. He is insignificant. You are indifferent to him. He is no longer in your frame of reference.
However, if the bully still can somehow exert influence in your life, then he looms larger than ever. The past comes roaring back as if it has never left. You will not be satisfied until he offers an apology. And when he suggests, with infuriating nonchalance and non-repentance, that you should let bygones be bygones, you seethe with unspent rage and burn with injustice. You refuse to speak with the bully or work with him, even though everything that you worked to achieve could depend on your future partnership. In this case, you are still stuck in the frame of reference that the bully built around you so many years ago.
Strangely enough, these are the thoughts that came to me when I heard about what Park Geun-ryoung, President Park Geun-hye's youngster sister, said on a Japanese TV show about how Korea's Japan-bashing is too much and that the Japanese leaders have the right to visit the Yasukuni Shrine to honor their war dead. Reading through the predictably outraged comments by Korean netizens, I suddenly found myself asking, "Why should Korea allow herself to still be defined by what Japan did almost 100 years ago? Why should the victim have to beg the abuser for an apology to feel whole again? Why cannot Korea move on from this frame of reference that's she has grown out of?"
Unless she has not. Unless Korea still does not feel confident and whole enough when it comes to Japan. There is a deep vein of insecurity that runs through the Korean psyche when it comes to Japan that expresses itself as vocal resentment whenever these issues come up. It is almost as if Japan is still the bogeyman. It is an overreaction that prevents constructive dialogue for a better future for both parties.
Perhaps it is because Korea itself is an anachronism. Look at the lingering division of the Korean Peninsula; if a unified Korea became a country as powerful and prosperous as the U.K or France, would we still get so worked up about Japan in this way?
I have no intention of making light of the suffering of the victims of Japan's imperialism, or dismissing Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's infuriating attempts at revisionism. However, I think that Korea has achieved enough, grown enough, and matured enough as a nation and people to begin moving beyond Japan. And that would ultimately be better for the peaceful, prosperous future of the region.
Jason Lim is a Washington, D.C.-based expert on innovation, leadership and organizational culture. He has been writing for The Korea Times since 2006. He can be reached at jasonlim@msn.com, facebook. com/jasonlimkoreatimes and @jasonlim2012.
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