By Hyon O'Brien
On Aug. 2, my husband Tim and I celebrated our engagement ceremony that happened 50 years ago in 1969. Tim's parents flew 6,921 miles from New York to Seoul to meet me and my family for the first time.
Their presence meant so much to my parents, who were quite apprehensive about their daughter moving away to another country with a non-Korean fiance. Tim's parents' loving kindness making that long trip paved the way for us to start our life journey together on firm ground. Two sets of parents' blessings were very precious to us.
We arrived in New York in mid-January. Our wedding was set for Jan. 31, 1970, so we had less than two weeks to prepare for the big day. Blood test, visiting a doctor, selecting a veil, arranging flowers and meeting with Father Flynn, the priest who would officiate.
Tim's mother already had done heaps of things on her own while we, naive 24- and 22-year-olds who were barely adults, were oblivious about what's required for a wedding event to happen. She had a hotel reserved for the reception, food ordered, decorations arranged, wedding invitations mailed, a singer and an organist reserved, etc. etc.
At the time I had no idea how much generosity and kindness was involved in the preparations. I later learned that in the States, it is customary for the bride's family to make all wedding arrangements. Fifty years later, I am even more aware of Tim's parents' generosity and kindness, and regret that I wasn't vocal enough about my gratitude. They were beyond gracious.
When our first child was born three years later in Boston, where we were graduate students, Tim's mother drove up from New York and stayed with us. She shopped, cooked, cleaned, and coached on infant care for over a week. She was a busy multi-tasker at the time ― church organist, piano teacher and chorus director ― so I can imagine how tough it must have been for her to find the time to be with us. In Korea, it is usually the mother's mother who comes to help out with the new baby. To this day, I am in awe thinking about her kind heart.
The kind acts we receive have a strong impact on us. We never forget them. My growing-up years are filled with memories of receiving kind gifts, tangible and intangible. I had five brothers and three sisters. First brother, who was 12 years older, taught me English and introduced me to many world classics in translation. Second brother showed me how to use a sewing machine, third brother introduced me to both classical music and the American pop songs that were popular in the early 1960s, fourth brother took me hiking and helped me tend the flower and vegetable gardens our mother had in our front yard. Fifth brother was into philosophy and seeking the meaning of life; he prompted me to search out the spiritual aspect of life and I became a Christian. My eldest sister was an art major in college and allowed me to read the encyclopedia of world art, her reference book. Through that amazing book, I met the Impressionists and it inspired me to paint with more attention to light and brush strokes.
I recognize that who I am now, how I have been shaped and molded to my present self, is in many ways a result of my siblings' kindness. I don't think they set out to do that, but good things happened thanks to their attentiveness to my growth. They are my role models these days when I mentor others.
In July this year, eight friends from Miami traveled together in Bulgaria. When I began to suffer from pain in my feet due to inadequate shoes for the rough terrain in the Bulgarian mountains, our friends demonstrated their kindness by voicing their sympathy.
That meant the world to me. Somehow I could endure it better because of their concern. We had a Bulgarian tour guide named Volen throughout the trip and when he discovered that I favored spicy food with garlic, he made sure that at each meal I received a container of red pepper powder and garlic paste. It was a small act of kindness but it made huge difference for me.
It was the same way when we visited Iran three years ago, and so many Iranians paid kind attention to us as visitors to their country with genuine hospitality. I still communicate regularly with one couple via Instagram because of their kindness. We met them in a mosque in Isfahan.
When they were about to have some snacks, they decided to share the goodies with us. That led us to chat and take pictures together. The father asked me whether I had an Instagram account. Right then and there we got connected and we've been friends ever since. It is so lovely to see their little daughter growing up from their posts. This all because of their instant decision to share their sweet snacks even though we were total strangers.
Our life is richer and happier if we are kind to each other. Kindness is in my mind the highest form of love. Let's continue to act out our kindness wherever we are.
Hyon O'Brien (hyonobrien@gmail.com) is a former reference librarian now living in the United States.
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Their presence meant so much to my parents, who were quite apprehensive about their daughter moving away to another country with a non-Korean fiance. Tim's parents' loving kindness making that long trip paved the way for us to start our life journey together on firm ground. Two sets of parents' blessings were very precious to us.
We arrived in New York in mid-January. Our wedding was set for Jan. 31, 1970, so we had less than two weeks to prepare for the big day. Blood test, visiting a doctor, selecting a veil, arranging flowers and meeting with Father Flynn, the priest who would officiate.
Tim's mother already had done heaps of things on her own while we, naive 24- and 22-year-olds who were barely adults, were oblivious about what's required for a wedding event to happen. She had a hotel reserved for the reception, food ordered, decorations arranged, wedding invitations mailed, a singer and an organist reserved, etc. etc.
At the time I had no idea how much generosity and kindness was involved in the preparations. I later learned that in the States, it is customary for the bride's family to make all wedding arrangements. Fifty years later, I am even more aware of Tim's parents' generosity and kindness, and regret that I wasn't vocal enough about my gratitude. They were beyond gracious.
When our first child was born three years later in Boston, where we were graduate students, Tim's mother drove up from New York and stayed with us. She shopped, cooked, cleaned, and coached on infant care for over a week. She was a busy multi-tasker at the time ― church organist, piano teacher and chorus director ― so I can imagine how tough it must have been for her to find the time to be with us. In Korea, it is usually the mother's mother who comes to help out with the new baby. To this day, I am in awe thinking about her kind heart.
The kind acts we receive have a strong impact on us. We never forget them. My growing-up years are filled with memories of receiving kind gifts, tangible and intangible. I had five brothers and three sisters. First brother, who was 12 years older, taught me English and introduced me to many world classics in translation. Second brother showed me how to use a sewing machine, third brother introduced me to both classical music and the American pop songs that were popular in the early 1960s, fourth brother took me hiking and helped me tend the flower and vegetable gardens our mother had in our front yard. Fifth brother was into philosophy and seeking the meaning of life; he prompted me to search out the spiritual aspect of life and I became a Christian. My eldest sister was an art major in college and allowed me to read the encyclopedia of world art, her reference book. Through that amazing book, I met the Impressionists and it inspired me to paint with more attention to light and brush strokes.
I recognize that who I am now, how I have been shaped and molded to my present self, is in many ways a result of my siblings' kindness. I don't think they set out to do that, but good things happened thanks to their attentiveness to my growth. They are my role models these days when I mentor others.
In July this year, eight friends from Miami traveled together in Bulgaria. When I began to suffer from pain in my feet due to inadequate shoes for the rough terrain in the Bulgarian mountains, our friends demonstrated their kindness by voicing their sympathy.
That meant the world to me. Somehow I could endure it better because of their concern. We had a Bulgarian tour guide named Volen throughout the trip and when he discovered that I favored spicy food with garlic, he made sure that at each meal I received a container of red pepper powder and garlic paste. It was a small act of kindness but it made huge difference for me.
It was the same way when we visited Iran three years ago, and so many Iranians paid kind attention to us as visitors to their country with genuine hospitality. I still communicate regularly with one couple via Instagram because of their kindness. We met them in a mosque in Isfahan.
When they were about to have some snacks, they decided to share the goodies with us. That led us to chat and take pictures together. The father asked me whether I had an Instagram account. Right then and there we got connected and we've been friends ever since. It is so lovely to see their little daughter growing up from their posts. This all because of their instant decision to share their sweet snacks even though we were total strangers.
Our life is richer and happier if we are kind to each other. Kindness is in my mind the highest form of love. Let's continue to act out our kindness wherever we are.
Hyon O'Brien (hyonobrien@gmail.com) is a former reference librarian now living in the United States.
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