Tips for keeping partners from cheating

A woman shows how to use a mobile app, "Oppa Mitchi," through which people can monitor the whereabouts of their partners. The GPS monitoring app was developed for smartphone users in 2010.
/ Korea Times photo by Yoon Sung-won

By Kwon Ji-youn, Yoon Sung-won, Park Jin-hai

"He cheated," said Lee So-hee, a 27-year-old doctoral candidate. "What more is there to say?"

She described her painful journey toward realizing the truth ― her phone wouldn't ring for days; he wouldn't let her anywhere near him; and he would flip out when she asked him if he was hiding something from her.

"When I asked him why he stopped Facebooking, he said it distracted him from work," she hissed. "What he meant to say was that she distracted him from ‘me.'"

Lee knew something was up and she needed to know what it was before she went any further down that road. One afternoon, she peeked at the list of calls and messages on his phone while he went to the restroom.

When he returned, she stood up, threw his phone across the cafe and ran out. One message had read: "You're the best boyfriend a girl could ever have," signed some-other-girl.

"Men cheat because they think they can," she said, with a sigh.

But there are ways to prevent this from happening. Here are some tips to keep your man or lady from falling prey to a sexy yoga instructor or smart investment banker.

Befriend the parents

Jung Ryeo-eun, 22, said her sister once dated an athlete who often traveled abroad to train. And each time he did, he would call her parents and ask them to watch over their daughter.

"One night, my sister snuck out while my parents were out, and for a precaution, she turned off her cell," Jung said. "This frustrated him, and so eventually he called our parents to tell them that my sister wasn't home and that she wasn't answering the phone."
When Jung's sister finally got home, her parents confiscated her phone and grounded her for two weeks.

"It's effective," she said. "That way, he knows exactly where she is all the time."

He had befriended the parents.

Kim Seong-jin, 21, said he can feel eyes following him. His girlfriend of two years seemed perfect ― at first. Her obsession, which he once believed was love, went from bad to worse.

"It became a routine. Whenever we met, she would take my phone and look through my call log," Kim said. "If I said I met a friend, she would ask me to show her bills or receipts. She didn't like to see me with anyone else, even my family. I had to belong solely to her."

But Kim admits that her tactics succeeded.

"As much as I hated having my privacy invaded, I never wanted to be caught doing something I wouldn't want her to do," he said. "After a while, I started doing the same to her."

Outside, looking in

Separation in relationships usually comes when Korean men serve their compulsory military service, which can enable men to come up with ingenious methods to stay on the lookout.

Kim Yeon-jeong, a college senior whose boyfriend joined the military a year ago, confessed that she tried to befriend her boyfriend's colleagues and bosses with the intention of using the network of people to monitor him.

"I sent gifts to my boyfriend's colleagues and bosses to get on their good side. In return, I thought they would persuade my boyfriend not to meet other girls," Kim said. "Though I cannot be certain if it was effective or not, looking back, it was inevitable since we were physically separated by distance."

Lee Hun-min, a 24-year-old office worker, said one way to keep an eye on boyfriends while they serve in the military is to surreptitiously monitor "Narasarang" card expenditures.

The Narasarang card can be used much like a debit card or a credit card. It is distributed to all men serving in the military. These men give up possession of their cell phones upon admission to the armed services.

"If you know their social security number, account number and password, you can easily access their card bill," Lee said.

Another army sergeant gave an account of how his ex-girlfriend had kept a close watch on him.

"Months ago, when my ex-girlfriend and I were still together, my younger brother told me that she had asked him the ID and password for the card I use for public phones," he said. "I realized that she was monitoring whether I used the card to call other girls."

He added that there are online communities for women whose boyfriends are in the military where they can share information about how to secretly monitor their soldier boyfriends from the outside.

GPS monitoring app

In 2010, a local application developer caused a public uproar by launching an application called "Oppa Mitchi," which roughly translates, "you trust me, right?" Through this messenger service, one was able to detect the whereabouts of girlfriends or boyfriends. It used a GPS tracking device.

"As long as the service and device is turned on, you can check immediately where your boyfriend or girlfriend is," said a college student. "It's convenient because it stifles the urge to lie to your significant other about your whereabouts."

"At least if you know where they are, you can get a sense of what they are doing," he added.

An office worker named Min said that it also helps ease safety concerns.

"My boyfriend loses all sense of direction when he drinks too much," she said. "I use the application to find out where he is and to go pick him up."

According to Kim Myung-gil, a manager at Duo, a professional match-making firm, when someone falls in love, they want to possess them.

"Jealousy comes from one's desire to possess their significant other," Kim said. "Women want to check how much they're being loved, while men want their women to be their own."

He warned that at first it may seem like love, but in the end, it only leads to exhaustion.

"But they shouldn't fear circumstances that have yet to arise," he added.