How to 'die well' matters for living well

By Jung Min-ho, Kim Bo-eun, Bahk Eun-ji

For every living creature, death is inevitable. While the simple fact leaves people the important question of how to live before they face the end, many people have recently started pondering "how to die well."

Most people want their death to be peaceful and painless as much as they want their life to be prosperous and happy. But only few have their wish granted because most of them do not make any effort to fulfill it, not knowing that they also need to prepare to die well.

The concept of "well-dying" has to do with a broad range of death-related matters from a choice between burial and cremation to organ donation and the right to end the life of terminally-ill patients.

Although "well-dying" may seem unfamiliar to some people, a growing number are paying keen attention to preparing for the inevitable.

Planning ahead

Twenty-seven-year-old university student Park Jin-won was at his friend's father's funeral a few months ago. He, together with his friend, helped carry the coffin from the funeral hall to the burial ground.

Park said participating in the event had made him think more seriously about life and death.

"The funeral hall crowded with mourners made me think that a funeral could be a reflection of how the person lived," he said. "Until then, I hadn't really made any effort to form and maintain relationships with those around me but now I do feel the need for it."

More recently, Park heard a story that also led him to make a will.

The story was about a student who was at a job interview. He told the interviewers that he is a thoroughly prepared person, and when they asked him to give an example, he took out a piece of paper out of his wallet, which was his will.

"He said since nobody knows they we will die, he always keeps his will in his wallet, which also landed him the job," Park said. "It provided me with an opportunity of writing my own will."

Park said he had started thinking about death since his early 20s.

"When I die, I want my body to be cremated. Although I have yet to decide on other matters, I will continue to think about it from now on to be prepared for death that I will surely face someday."

Chung Hye-sook, 52, said she has been thinking about death and how to die for a number of years.

"First of all, my husband and I have decided that we are going to donate our organs when we die," she said. "I also want to be cremated instead of being buried since there are too many people in such a small land here."

Knowing that cremation also causes air pollution with the ashes from the dead body, she said she is still trying to find a more environmentally friendly way to take care of her body after death.

"I also don't want to extend my life by receiving unnecessary medical treatment if I am in a terminally-ill condition at an older age."

Chung, who introduced himself as a book lover, said that she learned from Stephen Covey's book, "Begin with the End in Mind," that thinking about death teaches you the value of life and how people should spend their invaluable time while they are still breathing.

With that in mind, Chung said young people may have to think more about death than old people since it is more about how to live well, even though death sounds like someone else's story to them.

"I talk about death with my friends and family. It is very natural for me," she said. "And it really is a natural part of life, I want to accept it and be well-prepared for it."

Upholding dignity

Kim Jae-soon, a 71-year-old woman living in Gwacheon, Gyeonggi Province, wrote "Final Exit" with her husband a few days ago. They are their last wills that started with the sentence, "I am writing this in a healthy and sound mind. I want you to understand that I'm not afraid of death but I do fear of hurting my dignity before death."

It is mainly for those who are concerned about brain death by unexpected accident while the body is still alive. In case they are pronounced brain dead, the written document conveys the message to the doctors whether they want treatment to prolong their lives with medical assistance.

Kim decided to write the document when a church friend fell unconscious two years ago.

"I've seen my friend and her family undergoing mental and economic adversity after the incident, which pushed me to decide to make a plan for my death while I am still healthy to protect my family from the same tragedy," Kim said.

More and more people are showing interest in programs related to how to die well. To meet the growing demand, MBC Media Plus, a unit of broadcaster MBC, is holding the first "well-dying" conference under the theme of "Completing the beautiful life" at COEX Mall in southern Seoul from Dec. 21 to 23.

The three-day event is designed to lead perception change concerning life and death and to call for systematic aid from the government for people who want to plan their death.

It is not only for the elderly but also for young people because the main purpose of the event is to provide all participants with an opportunity to ponder both how to live and how to die.

Yoon Young-ho, a professor at the Seoul National University's College of Medicine, analyzed a public awareness level of well-dying in his recent report, "A study on the recognition of well-dying."

The survey was conducted on 1,000 people, aged from 20 to 69, for 11 days from June 1.

In the report, participants said preventing their friends and families from going through unnecessary stress from their death is the most important thing about well-dying.

With the report released, many people have requested the government provide practical support such as medicinal welfare programs including a nursing allowance.

"The idea of how to die well is important for everyone and it is particularly critical for those who are terminally ill. The government needs to enact the Final Exit law to protect patients and their family from unnecessary mental and financial burdens. Also, people need to continue campaigns for raising awareness of well-dying," the doctor said.

In Korea's aging society, systematic change seems essential for preventing extra grief for people who lost their loved ones. In the country where filial duty has been valued for a long period of time, it seems the change is coming from the baby boomer generation that initiated the nation's economic development.

"I let my son know that I wrote the paper, because I wanted to make him feel more comfortable. But the most important thing is that I am the one who can decide how to end my life," the 71-year-old Kim said.