‘Kirogi’ Families Weigh Risks and Rewards

Phenomenon on Split-Household Transnational Families Becomes Subject of US Academic Discussion

By Michael Ha
Contributing Writer

NEW YORK _ Separated families, living apart for the sake of their children's education, have become a well-recognized phenomenon in Korea. In these families, mothers and children live overseas while fathers stay in Korea to work and finance families' living and educational expenses.

These fathers are referred to as ``kirogi appa,'' or wild geese father. Kirogis are iconic birds in Korea, known for their natural devotion to their spouses and offspring. And these families are prime examples of Korean parents' absolute and unconditional devotion to their children, sacrificing themselves to give their children more advantages.

During the past few years, though, there have been numerous stories in Korean media about hardships some of these families go through. These stories also illustrate how the fathers suffer from financial and psychological difficulties as well, living apart from their wives and children for years on end.

A Korean-American association in the United States told The Korea Times that these families are now more aware of potential problems due to the media coverage back home. But the group added that there continues to be risks for children in such families, particularly teenage boys who have strong attachments to their fathers but have to live separately for years. And there continues to be a concern on whether these children, who live separated from their fathers at such an early age, can develop a healthy sense of family.

Destinations for these families include the United States and Canada, while Australia and New Zealand also attract many families. Korean media reports say that money that's sent from fathers in Korea to their separated families collectively run into billions of U.S. dollars every year. For these families, they are making a life-changing decision and commitment that can have positive as well as negative aspects.

In the United States, Montgomery and Howard Counties in Maryland are two of the most popular regions for the children's education. Korean parents are attracted to the region's highly rated school districts, according to a Korean-American association.

The Korean association in Maryland said that new kirogi appas and their families appear to be better prepared financially and emotionally, thanks to stories in the Korean media over the last few years.

``There have been a lot of stories in newspapers in Korea, about the hardships and divorce and even suicide. So the families that come here now are more prepared mentally, and they are more aware of the potential problems. There also seems to be more advanced planning with regard to finances and funding,'' said the Korean group spokesman.

In some cases, mothers themselves attend school with a student visa and later try to find jobs in the United States. ``Some mothers can use their new degrees to find jobs in the U.S. and help ease the financial burden for the family.''

The group also said Korean churches have now emerged as major providers of much-needed support networks for these mothers and families. ``We would say that about 80 to 90 percent of the families now attend churches in our area,'' the Korean-American group said. ``Fortunately, Korean churches now play a crucial role in creating and maintaining a support network for the mothers and their children. Churches are strongly encouraging families to spend more time together.''

But there are still risks that many of these families face, and there also continues to be inherent risks for Korean children in these separated families, the Korean association said.

These problems can be worse for young boys in early-to mid-teens, the association noted. That's because many of them, who have strong attachment to their fathers, have difficulty living apart from their fathers and not having father figures in their lives. Some of these children can suffer psychological and emotional difficulties that can last years.

``Among the boys we have counseled, there are cases of teenage boys who find it difficult psychologically to be separated like this from their fathers for such a long time. Some end up failing school. Some even develop addiction to alcohol or drugs. Some families give up and go back to Korea. Some parents still imagine and expect only the best-case scenarios, but they need to look at some of the possible problems,'' the Korean group spokesman said.

``There is also the issue of being targets of racism. When you talk to the children, they have their stories and grievances, but most times they don't want to openly talk about it. And there is also the sheer stress of adapting to a new environment and learning the new language. All the children go through it no matter how much they try to prepare. Doing more research into this area would be helpful,'' said the association. The group also runs a counseling hotline for teenage Korean children.

The topic of Kirogi appas has also begun to appear in academic discussions in the United States. University of Maryland professor Seung-kyung Kim is one of the experts in this field and has researched extensively into this issue. She offers an upbeat assessment of the kirogi phenomenon. She calls these families ``split-household transnational families, engaged in a long-term project that can last a decade or more, and often requiring considerable flexibility to adapt to changing circumstances.''

``Kirogi appas and their families are deeply traditional, in that they seek to maintain or improve family status through education, for long-term economic success for the younger generation,'' Professor Kim writes. ``The kirogi appa phenomenon is a response to the challenges of rapid globalization, English as the hegemonic language in the global economy...the entire project is strongly future-oriented in that it seeks to maximize children's opportunities.''