[INTERVIEW] North Korean girl's story of searching for mother, freedom and herself

Han Song-mi, a North Korean defector and the co-author of "Greenlight to Freedom," and Casey Lartigue, the other co-author, pose with their new book at Freedom Speakers International's office in Seoul, June 16. Korea Times photo by Jung Min-ho

'Greenlight to Freedom,' Han-Lartigue yearlong book project, comes to fruition

By Jung Min-ho

Life is pain. It was particularly so for Han Song-mi, a North Korean girl. Her earliest memory was her father beating her mother. Her younger sister suddenly died without a clear cause. After her parents' divorce, she and her mother endured years of hunger, eating grass. At the age of nine, she thought about killing herself and was told that her mother had already tried it once with poison.

Yet Han, now 28, has not only survived but thrived with resilience and a strong determination to live. After escaping the North in search of her mother and freedom, she settled down in South Korea, where she discovered her "second life" and became an inspiration to many.

"Greenlight to Freedom," her book, co-authored with Casey Lartigue, co-president of Freedom Speakers International (FSI), is the story of a little girl who refuses to give up even when there seems to be no hope, and persistently searches for a glimmer of light.

"I saw no future for myself in North Korea. Now I consider myself lucky. I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to tell my story. I'm lucky to be with people I love, including my mother," Han told The Korea Times in a recent interview.

In her hometown in Kumya, a county in South Hamgyong Province, there were some happy times for Han, such as feeding goats with her grandmother in the early morning. But things started to crumble after the death of grandfather, who had previously disapproved of her father's plan to marry his ex-girlfriend because they shared the same family name ― a taboo in North Korea. After her grandfather's death, her father began to see his ex-girlfriend again, ending in the break-up of his marriage and family.

Financial hardship put Han and her mother in a quandary, forcing them eventually into living in a barn at a time when their country was fighting its worst famine, known as the Arduous March. For two years there, they depended only on each other, eating grass or any edible plant they could find and dreaming of a better future. In doing so, they developed a special bond, which kept the little girl hopeful ― and alive ― in immensely stressful situations later. Yet, she always missed her mother, who had no choice but to leave her alone sometimes for days or months to go find food.

Recollecting her traumatic past was distressing for Han. That's why, except for the first two and final chapters of the book, she speaks in the third person, which made the process less painful for her. Perspective changes also help readers feel how she loses her voice at some point of her life and regains it when she finds hope.

The memoir would have not been possible without the sophisticated and creative approach of Lartigue, who seriously considered canceling the project after initial difficulties.

"We hit a rough patch when she began getting impatient with me and my questions … I gave it one last try, I suggested that she speak in the third person rather than first person. It worked. I also told her that I was the reader representative and that she should not think about me. We began making progress," he said. "By the time we got to the end of the book she had changed some of her thoughts about some of the people in her life, and she had a new understanding of herself. She said that the counseling had helped her heal and that the process of writing the book helped her heal some other things that had been troubling her."

In this Sept. 9, 2018, file photo, participants perform in a Mass Games artistic and gymnastic display at the Rungrado May Day Stadium in Pyongyang, North Korea. Han said, although her North Korean experience is unique, much of her pains are shared by many ordinary people living in the country. AFP-Yonhap

One of those traumatic moments was watching the public execution of a woman in front of her crying daughter and husband. Han said, although her experience is unique, much of her pains are shared by many ordinary people living in North Korea.

"People say things like 'I hope war breaks out, whichever side wins.' It was a common joke in my village. Many do not have hope in their lives, which is how I felt when I was there," she said. "I was terrified of the possibility of getting caught during my attempt to escape North Korea. But it was clear that I had no future there. So I went for it, with a knife in my pocket (to commit suicide) in case I got caught."

Writing a book was an exceptionally rewarding experience for Lartigue, who has profoundly affected her life since they first met in 2019.

"There were so many special moments that add up to something incredible. One moment is when she said that I am the only person she could trust to tell her story. That was really meaningful because I knew that she had kept many things inside. I had a great sense of responsibility because of that," Lartigue said.