After lengthy struggle, veteran swimmer An Se-hyeon falls back in love with her sport

For the past eight or so years, Korean swimmer An Se-hyeon kept falling in and out of love with her sport.

An was at the peak of her powers around 2017 and 2018. At the 2017 world championships in Budapest, she finished fourth in the women's 200-meter butterfly, the highest placement by a Korean female swimmer at the competition. Her time of 2:06.67 still stands as the national record. Also at the 2017 worlds, An established the national record with 57.07 seconds in the 100m butterfly and it has not been touched since.

In 2018, An picked up two bronze medals at the Asian Games — in the 100m butterfly and the 4x100m mixed medley relay.

She was still in her early 20s then, seemingly just entering her prime. Instead, she gradually faded into obscurity, as the rest of the Korean swimming team began picking up medals at the Olympics, Asian Games and world championships. An became a forgotten name.

Now 30 years old, An has resurfaced. She qualified for this year's Asian Games by winning the 50m butterfly title at the national team trials in March.

After a training session Tuesday at the Jincheon National Training Center in Jincheon, 85 kilometers south of Seoul, An reflected on her struggles and her eventual return to the national team.

"There were times when I thought about distancing myself from swimming," An told Yonhap News Agency. "I tried my hand at different things but I decided I wanted to have a better finish to my career. Luckily, I had so much support from the national team staff along the way, and now I have an opportunity to race at an international event once again."

An said her struggles were mostly mental, not physical.

"Today, you see so many talented swimmers around and they all have each other to lean on," An said. "Although I still trained in a great environment, I didn't really have anyone that I could turn to in difficult times. I have some fond memories of those early years and I would go back if I could. But also, I was very young then."

An said she does not want to see the current generation of young swimmers suffer the same type of ordeal. As the eldest of the 11 female swimmers on the national team, An said she tries to keep an open line of communication with her teammates, some more than 10 years her junior.

"I want to make them feel comfortable around me but some have told me they are too scared to ask me questions," An said. "I understand why they would feel intimidated. But I have told them I am willing to share my experience with them and help them any way I can, and all they have to do is ask."

An said time healed her wounds. There was not any specific moment or event that made her fall in love with swimming again, because it was a gradual process. An also said being forced to sit out during the COVID-19 pandemic allowed her to take a breather and mentally recharge.

"I used to feel scared and even cry when I just thought about going to a swimming pool. My self-esteem hit rock bottom," An said. "I had to ask myself why I was even swimming at all because I really hated it. But over time, I realized I still loved the sport and remembered that swimming allowed me to have some memorable moments.

"I decided I didn't want to be forgotten just like that. I wanted to have another go as a competitive swimmer," An added. "I wanted to throw myself into training one last time, so that I will not have any regrets at the end. It has been a love-hate relationship and I guess I wanted to have a little more love than hate for swimming."

An admitted she is not close to being the swimmer that she once had been, but she is also not trying to become someone she is not.

"Instead of trying to replicate my past success, I want to do the best I can under the circumstances," she said. "I went into past Asian Games with the clear goal of trying to win gold medals. But now, I just want to demonstrate things I have been working on in training. That will give me more confidence to try out for future world championships and even the 2028 Olympics. As important as results are at the Asian Games, I hope my process will be really good.

"I used to get caught up in trying to be No. 1 in every race," An continued. "But this time around, I just want to be an athlete who can inspire others."