Five don'ts when you ride train
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By Sherlyn Kim
I was busy attending different workshops and seminars the past few weeks in celebration of International Women’s Month. In one of the seminars I attended one of the participants asked me what is my view about pushing and shoving on the train?
Her question gave a flashback of my experience two years ago when I was on my way home from work. It was rush hour and the train was jam-packed. I fell down right after I stepped out from the train’s door.
I wasn’t able to manage the force coming from my back. As the train pulls into the station, people planning to exit the train begin pushing toward or gathering at the door and the passengers waiting on the platform crowd in a thick mass at the edge.
As soon as the train stops, the passengers on-board jump down, pushing their way out against the waiting group, while those trying to get on board fight against the exiting tide to secure a foothold on the train before it pulls away.
Well, pushing and shoving really happens and will definitely happen. Generally plowing through the person in front of you is not rude, but rather necessary and accepted.
You must learn to discern the difference between intentionally pushing and ordinary contact, however extreme it may seem to you, this is part of a journey in one of the world’s crowded and busiest subways. You will be crammed into a very tiny space whether you like it or not. As a woman, how I wish it wasn’t like this.
Here are five things you shouldn’t do on the train:
1. Don’t pretend you are sleeping.
Give up your seat to the elderly, small children, pregnant women and people with visible disabilities who may need your seat. Offer it by standing and gesturing for them to sit in it. They may decline, but continue to gesture. If they insist they do not want it at least you have offered.
However, sometimes people feel insulted when you offer your seat to them, because they believe they are not “that old yet.” Once, I witnessed a situation where somebody offered their seat to a seemingly pregnant woman, and he mentioned the word “pregnant” _ it turned out, the women wasn’t pregnant and she felt very embarrassed.
The best way to handle these situations is to simply ask: “Would you like my seat?” That way you reduce the implications to a minimum, and most people would think of you as being very well-mannered and attentive. If someone is in fact insulted by that, you can’t change that _ better to offer your seat to someone who declines, than not to offer it to someone in need.
2. Don’t pre-walk. There’s always somebody on a packed train who feels the need to alert everyone.
That you are “getting off at this stop and so please if you could excuse me you’d like to annoyingly wiggle your way to the door while the train is still moving, thank you.” Look, have you ever seen someone get stuck on the train? I didn’t think so. Wait your turn.
3. Don’t be the reason for doors to keep opening.
Squeezing onto a sardine-packed happy hour train so poorly that your butt/bag is blocking the doorway is not only uncomfortable but totally unnecessary.
Doing so delays the train and inconveniences not only people on your train, but other trains after yours. The train usually comes every five minutes so better go out and wait for the next one.
4. Don’t put your makeup on.
Everyone is getting second-hand anxiety waiting for you to poke your eye out when the train inevitably stops short. Spackle at home, ladies.
5. Don’t stand on the left side of the escalator if not in a hurry.
Some people are conscious of time especially during rush hours. Dallying on the left will only get you grief. Someone might want to ascend more speedily to catch up.
Whether by a firm “Excuse me!” or a hand on the shoulder you will be moved. No need to impede their efforts.
I believe a poster campaign inside and outside the train and in station’s waiting areas about these things will remind and encourage people to behave with courtesy and respect. Through awareness, soon they will realize that pushing and shoving the person in front of you is rude, isn’t necessary and is unacceptable. While being considerate of others is awesome and being disciplined is indeed terrific.
Sherlyn Kim, a certified international etiquette consultant and trainer, writes the biweekly Manners & Etiquette column. She is CEO of Molly Manners Korea (
https://www.mollymanners.co.kr
), a leading manners and etiquette institute. Readers are encouraged to send their questions about manners, etiquette and social skills to the author (
).