By Lee Kyung-min
Nearly a third of married couples quarrel over how many days they should stay at each other’s parents’ homes for the Chuseok holiday, data showed Sunday.
According to a study by Career, a job posting site, of 304 married people, when multiple responses were allowed, 29 percent said they had an argument with their spouses following a conflict involving each other’s parents-in-law.
About 20 percent said they argued over whose parents they should visit first and how many days they should spend at each place.
Online communities of married women are flooded with many posts about similar issues in the lead up to, during and after the Chuseok holiday.
“I just had a major fight with my husband about why we always have to visit his parents first, and stay there longer,” an internet user said.
“I got even more frustrated after his casual attitude that we should just do things as it has always been. I exploded at how much he is taking these things for granted, including how I should always put his parents’ wishes before that of mine.”
Couples that have such fights and left the issues unaddressed and unresolved are likely to end up filing for divorce. According to data submitted from the Office of Court Administration under the Supreme Court to Rep. Keum Tae-sup of the ruling Democratic Party of Korea, an average of 577 couples filed for divorce a day before and after the major national holiday last year. The number is almost twice the yearly average _ 298.
The increase comes after many in-laws, who only see one another on holidays, are forced to spend time together and end up having arguments about long pent-up frustrations. Couples more often than not fight as well because they end up taking the side of their own parents.
According to separate data from Statistics Korea, over the past years, an average of 11.5 percent more divorces occurred in the February-to-March period, and October-to-November.
In January last year, 9,137 couples filed for divorce. In February and March, the numbers soared to 9,398 and 9,511 respectively. In April, the number returned to an average of 8,524 cases.
The rift after obligations on national holidays _ Seollal in January or February and Chuseok in September or October _ pushes couples over the edge, according to the Korea Legal Aid Center for Family Relations. Issues that have long pestered couples often lead to divorce rather than resolution or mediation, it added.
Flexibility and a sense of understanding are crucial in avoiding quarrels, according to Korea Women’s Hotline, an aid organization for women.
Cultural norms, the group said, are not necessarily the answer. Sharing responsibility, redefining the expectations of each other and having a heartfelt conversation is key.