By Jhoo Dong-chan
Choi Hyong-sook, 43, a single mother and the head of InTree, an online community for unwed mothers, considered abortion when she became pregnant in 2005.
But after she saw the image of her unborn baby on a sonogram, Choi changed her mind.
When Choi revealed her pregnancy to her family, they tried to pressure her into having an abortion, saying, “How can you be so selfish? You can’t do this to your parents.”
After her son’s birth, she secretly put her baby through an adoption agency, but visited the agency and reclaimed her baby five days later.
Each year, social pressure pushes thousands of unwed mothers to choose between abortion, which is prevailing but illegal here, and adoption.
Only a few choose to raise their children alone.
Despite the government’s efforts to encourage childbirth, some births, like Choi’s, are still considered a social stigma amid a lack of support for single mothers.
The stigma of being an unwed parent or an “illegitimate” child remains strong in this country. People still point a finger at them, saying they are “immoral” and “irresponsible.”
“I was never irresponsible,” Choi told The Korea Times. “I could not live without my boy and just wanted to raise him on my own. But it wasn’t easy. Everyone turned so cold on me being a single mom.”
Choi’s coworkers started to whisper to each other as if she did something terrible. Even her family changed their phone number to avoid making contact with her, she said.
Choi’s son was also made fun of by his schoolmates, who called him “horojasik,” or a child without a father.
Choi said it was heartbreaking when her son came home with a black eye and said nothing but, “It’s all because of mom.”
Mok Kyong-wha, head of the Korean Unwed Mothers’ Families Association (KUMFA), criticized the government for not respecting single mothers’ rights to raise their children in a comfortable environment.
“The government is worrying about the country’s birthrate, which is one of the world’s lowest. It’s ironic then that they do not support births from single parents,” Mok said. “They would rather support adoption.”
The government designated May 11 as National Adoption Day in 2005 to encourage domestic adoption instead of overseas adoption.
The government’s financial support programs are concentrated on families who adopt domestically. Adoptive families in Korea get subsidies twice as much as single moms get.
“No unwed mothers want to send their babies away. But they do not have many alternatives because there is no one, even in their families, to support them,” said Choi.
Choi also called for greater support to unwed fathers as well.
“Under the nation’s family law, only mothers are allowed to register a child’s birth,” said Choi. “Without the registration, children of unwed fathers are excluded from health insurance and free daycare services.”
According to a Population and Housing Census conducted by the National Statistical Office, there were 18,118 unwed fathers in 2010. The number is expected to be more than 20,000 this year.
Several unwed parents’ organizations, including InTree and KUMFA, staged a street parade on Sunday, opposing National Adoption Day and defending their right to raise their children. The parade was the fifth of its kind.
Some 70 single parents participated in the event with volunteers and activists marching from Seoul Plaza to Cheonggyecheon, central Seoul.
“It is important to establish an environment for unwed parents to raise their children without prejudice.” said Choi.