By Kim Bo-eun
Traditional holidays are meant to be happy reunions for family members, but for some they are just dreaded times of the year.
Kim Sae-rom, a 30-year-old office worker living in Busan, sighs every time Chusok approaches. A large part of the stress Kim is under comes from relatives’ pressure regarding marriage.
“They try to speak nicely by saying ‘the time will come when you meet the right person,’ but what they are essentially saying is ‘why aren’t you married?’ It’s really frustrating,” she said.
“Another thing that annoys me is that relatives start comparing their children with their brothers or sisters’ children when they gather. Even though it is not explicit, it’s always happening,” said Kim. “I am sick and tired of it.”
Kim is not the only one who is not happy with the holiday. According to a survey by social dating service Echu of 1,343 singles in their 20s and 30s, relatives’ questions about marriage was cited as the most annoying factor during the holidays, accounting for 41.6 percent of the responses.
It was followed by 17 percent who responded it was relatives telling them to succeed and earn lots of money. Pressure from relatives about finding a decent job was the third most-cited reason, with 14.5 percent. “Suggestions” about dieting were found to be another cause of stress, accounting for 11.2 percent.
For Kim, the other part of the stress is the huge workload during holidays. She is not married yet, but because her family hosts all her relatives during the holidays as her father is the eldest son, she has no choice but to help her mother with all the chores.
“I had an argument with my mother this morning about having to do all the chores. Holidays are meant to be spent relaxing, but for me it’s the opposite. It’s just so tiring,” she said Friday.
For married moms, the situation is worse. Another survey conducted by education enterprise Chunjae Education of 312 mothers showed that the greatest stress factor for them during the season was the financial burden of having to buy holiday gifts for relatives at 49 percent.
Endless chores _ cooking food, making up memorial service tables and cleaning up _ were cited as the second greatest stress factor, with 37.2 percent. Trouble with the in-laws was cited by 9.3 percent as another significant cause of stress. The remaining 4.5 percent cited traffic congestions on the way back home.
In order to avoid conflict with family members during these holidays, communication with your significant other is crucial, said Lee Mi-kyeong, team manager at Duo Life Consulting. “Not only communication itself or its content, but the method of how you communicate is also important,” she said.
“Negative remarks don’t help, but what is worse is attitudes that make the other person feel like they are being disregarded,” said Lee. “Couples should try to compliment, encourage and comfort each other.”
Lee also advised that married couples should make an effort to think they are one body, and not two separate individuals, when they try to work out family-related issues.